Friday, September 19, 2014

NFL Week 3: "Who Let The Dogs Out?... Ruff....Ruff-Ruff-Ruff-Ruff!"

Tom Coughlin At The End of Last Week's Loss
Houston at NY Giants (+2)
Tom Coughlin is running pretty hot these days. That red faced bastard has watched his team turn the ball over 6 times through two weeks, while forcing zero. His quarterback named Manning, although donning two Super Bowl rings, is playing more like Bradley (or is it Chelsea?) than Eli (cue a Google search by 79% of my readers). That goofy looking bastard has a 69.2 passer rating (32nd ranked) through two pretty ugly games, and the Giants look as lost as Adrian Peterson in the condom aisle at a CVS.

Fast forward to this Sunday, where the Giants host a team who is ripe for an absolute beat down. Here is the deal with the 2-0 Texans; they're not very good. They were fortunate to win their Week 1 game vs Washington, in a game they were pretty much out played in, albeit for a couple Redskins RZ turnovers, and a Houston special teams touchdown. The Texans then drew the Raiders in Week 2, who might be the worst team in the NFL. And like the gift wrapped W the Texans got in Week 1, the Raiders too turned the ball over in Texans territory; four times.

The G-Men are 16-6-1 in their last 23 as a dog of 1-3 points. And they're "riding" an 8 game losing streak in the month of September, that I'm banking on them breaking this weekend. Couple this information with (a) Houston on the back end of back to back roadies, and (b) The Giants in desperation mode in Week 3, and you've got my #BarkingDog 5 Star lock for the month of September.  Coughlin's face will be a lighter shade of red by about 3:45 Sunday afternoon. 23-17 Giants.

Dallas at St. Louis (+1.5)
Per a source a couple years ago, Austin Davis was on the Shanahans board along with Kirk Cousins, the year the Redskins took Cousins 4th in the 2012 draft. The Redskins eventually took Cousins, the Shanahans moved on, Griffin got hurt for the 983rd time last week, and now Cousins is starting in DC. I guess its a good thing the Shannys opted for Cousins, considering Davis wasn't even drafted that year, and a pick at 4th wouldn't have been too wise. However, Davis wound up in St. Louis, and due to Sam Bradford's 1,172nd injury, Davis is now starting in St. Louis.

If you're wondering who this Austin Davis dude is, check his college career numbers. They're not too shabby, and they include a lot of records held at Southern Miss, that were once held by one, Brett Favre. In any case, he's playing at the pro level now and the Dallas Cowboys are in town. I don't know what to make of the Cowboys. They cost me a W last weekend in Tennessee, but I'm still not buying their defense, Tony Romo's back is jacked again, and I'm playing against them on their back end of back to back roadies (sound familiar, Texans fan?).

I'm throwing out the Rams week 1 pollaxeing at the hands of the Minnesota Vikings. Following Bradford's pre-season injury, they trotted out Shaun Hill at QB, who lasted all of a half before being injured. They then brought in un-tested Davis in relief for the second half. But then last week, Davis and the Rams grinded out a tough road win at Tampa.

Dallas is 1-4 ATS in their last 5 after they've allowed 14 points or less. They're 8-18 in their last 26 following a SU win. And I still believe they're a 5 or 6 win team at most, who will not be starting off their season 2-1. Rams, 26-20.

Baltimore at Cleveland (+1.5)
The Browns are Top 5 in the league through two weeks in points scored per. The Ravens, IMO, have been very unimpressive through two home games. 16 points in a week 1 loss to the Bengals, and then they had the benefit of catching the Steelers in the dreaded (short week, plus travel) Thursday night game, which was an ugly, penalty filled, two hand touch abortion of a football game.

Conversely, I like what I've seen from Cleveland through two weeks. After sleeping through the first half of their Week 1 tilt in Pittsburgh, the Browns have since gone 24-3 vs Pittsburgh in the second half of that game, and then last week- although winning it in the end with a field goal, they seemed to never lose control of a game they essentially dominated. Also, when was the last time Drew Brees was held to just 237 yards passing? (I don't have the answer, but I know it doesn't happen very often)

I've been preaching the Browns under the radar defense for over a year now. And the Ravens are not the type of West Coast type offense that will go into the Dawg Pound and put up monster numbers. Last year in Cleveland, the Jason Campbell led Browns beat the Ravens 24-18, while holding Joe Flacco to just 250 yards passing, and the Ravens rushers to just 55 yards. In the game these two played in Baltimore last year, in which the Ravens won 14-6, Flacco had just 211 yards passing. Keep the faith in the D, and keep the faith in Brian Hoyer. The Browns are on a 4-0 ATS heater in the month of September, and have covered 4 of their last 5 at home as a dog of 1-3 points. 27-13 Browns.

Kansas City (+4.5) at Miami
A Young Andy Reid in a Pie Eating Contest (1971)
Andy Reid claims that the only thing he can think of when playing in the city of Miami, are the two 'M's in the word 'Miami'. It reminds him of 'M&M's, which is his favorite candy. He also went on to say that, "and Miami has great pasta, pizza, seafood- one of my favorite Dunkin Donuts is on A1A, I LOVE the stadium hot dogs there, the pretzels that they twist into the shape of a dolphin, the escargot at...."

The Chefs have lost 5 straight regular or playoff games, dating back to last December. They also backed up the Brinks truck for Alex Smith, just prior to the start of the season. And after a devastating playoff loss at Indy- in which the Chiefs blew a 38-10 3rd Quarter lead (still absolutely mind boggling to me)- and now starting off the 2014 campaign at 0-2, Lardass Hogan and the boys are ready to right the ship.

The Dolphins are 5-21 ATS in their last 26 as a home favorite of 3.5-10 points. And I'm not exactly sure what Vegas is looking at here. Sure, they beat the Patriots at home in Week 1, but they went on the road last week, and got absolutely pollaxed in Buffalo. And now you're asking me to lay 4 and a hook to a wounded animal, whose QB and coach I like a lot better, than the QB/coach combo in Miami? Like Bryce Harper told Danny Espinosa after hitting that moon ball at Citi Field last week, "ummm, no." 21-17 Chiefs.

Denver at Seattle (-5)
Here is why I'm taking the Seahawks in this spot. (1) The game is in Seattle, which is arguably the toughest place to play for a visiting team in the NFL.  (2) The Seahawks are NOT going to lose two games in a row. And (3), am I the only one who saw that 43-8 Superbowl beat down between these two seven months ago?

Hey talking heads, spare me the "Denver has had this game circled on their calendar for seven months" bullshit. Nonsense. The Broncos- and horse-tooth jack ass John Elway- convinced Roger "Short Timer" Goodell to cupcake them two home games to start this campaign. This would give one of the few NFL players without a mugshot, the best chance to start the season 2-0, and in turn the best chance to secure a second Lombardi Trophy. Well, that's exactly what they got.

The only consequence for this, was that in Week 3 they were going to have to travel up to the Pacific Northwest and get their asses handed to them. And that's exactly what they got there, as well.

Don't concern yourself with Seattle's loss last week at San Diego. They still played a very physical game, and in my opinion, ran into what will end up being the AFC representative in this year's Super Bowl. Denver is 1-4 ATS in their last 5 games overall. They also play the underdog role- though an infrequent spot, very poorly. 1-6 ATS last 7 as a dog. Deju Vu all over again, Yogi. 31-16 Seahawks. 

Last Week                                                             3-1 ATS
YTD                                                                     4-6 ATS (40%)
Reg. Season Since '09                          192-154-12 ATS  (55%)

Follow along as we pursue excellence in the Las Vegas Hilton Super Contest. @Sportsyack on Twitter.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Swipe That Became The Beginning of The End For The Braves

By. Mike Baxter

Back on August 9th while the Nats were playing a series in Atlanta, the tomahawk chopping, fair weathered fans of the Braves, took exception to Bryce Harper dragging his foot across the Braves 'A' logo that is carved into the dirt behind the batter's box. The ire for the young phenom even carried over to this week's series in Atlanta, when home plate umpire Tim Welke ejected a Braves fan ,who I think directed 6 of the 7 dirty words George Carlin said you cannot say, at Harper.

In any case, Bryce Harper's swipe of his cleat across the 'A' back on that August Saturday night, seemed to spark the Nats, and essentially became the beginning of the end for the Braves.

When the Nats left Atlanta that weekend, they were just 3.5 games up on their divisional foes. They proceeded to win their next 10 games in a row, and 12 of 13. In total during this stretch, they won 25 of 37 games, while the Braves went just 16-21 during that same period. Also, worthy to note, the Nats- who hadn't consistently beat Atlanta since the 2012 campaign, took 5 of 8 from their divisional foes.

Fast forward to the middle of September, the Nats have an 11.5 game lead, they clinched their division with almost two weeks to go in the season, and the Braves are making tee times for the first week in October. Swipe on, Bryce.

@Sportsyack on Twitter

Sunday, September 14, 2014

NFL Week 2: Its Early. Have Some #Faith in The Yack

Side Effects of 1-4 ATS: alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and shame.
Coming off a sub .500 season (first in 5 years of documenting ATS), I did not want to start the 2014 campaign the way I did last week. A 1-4 ATS diarrhea all over myself  debut, is the last thing this diaper-less wearing, part time handicapper needed. That and the email ridiculing that ensued from my partner and bet runner, "The Legend".  (Side note: between you and me, Fuck The Legend) Couple that with our Thursday night misstep on the Steelers (+2.5), and we have some digging out to do, 10 days into the season.

But there is no time for crying and dwelling in our miserable start to the 2014 campaign. And quite frankly, Legend- if you're reading this- there is no time and place for obscene language directed at buddies. I apologize, and the first drink is on me Oct. 4th. Actually, we'll be at your crib watching MLB playoffs, so the first drink will actually be on you. So make sure The Goose is stocked to capacity. In any case, I've picked myself up from the canvas, and accepted responsibility for my role in the matter, and I've capped 4 new "winners" for you to read about this week. 

Jacksonville at Washington (-6)
Multiple Red Zone turnovers and failing to protect your kicker and punter during basic NFL plays, are all sure fire ways to lose NFL games. And regardless of how many coaches come trotting through Daniel Snyder's office door with dollar signs in their eyes, somethings will never change in Ashburn. Including the team name.

Speaking of faith, my faith was somewhat restored in RG3, as I think he performed and did what he was asked to do last week at a descent level. I might've been looking thru my burgundy and gold colored glasses, but I'm still not sure how the Redskins lost that game. Oh yeah, nevermind, I just re-read the very first sentence of this post.

The Jags were gift wrapped a 17 point lead courtesy of 3 Eagles turnovers last week. The Jags then opted to do their best Roger Goodell impression, and fall asleep while on the job. 34 unanswered points later, and it was business as usual for the 11 point favorite Eagles.

The Jags are 0-6 ATS in their last 6 games in September. RG3 has only tweeted 7 times since last Sunday's loss, including a picture of him stopping to say hello to some kids at a bus stop on his way home from practice. I know its not video of him Mike Tyson-ing his wife or beating the shit out of one of  his kids, but Roger Goodell said it will have to do for now. Good guys sometimes do finish first. 27-10 Redskins.

Dallas at Tennessee (-3.5)
Looks Like Romo Threw Another Pick
The Cowboys are coached by a guy who has zero job security after this season, and probably should've been fired last year. They're owned by an ego maniac, 70 something year old dipshit, who thinks he knows more about football than Jimmy Johnson does, whose also now involved in some kind of sex scandal with a stripper. They're quarterbacked by a guy who has long since cashed his $55 million check, whose coming off back surgery, whose coming off a 3 interception, 3 sack "performance" in his home debut.

Not to be pessimistic Cowboys fan, but there is a better chance of "Mrs. Doubtfire 2" hitting the big screen, than there is of your team winning more than 4 games this season.

This game could get ugly. While the Cowboys and Romo had absolutely nothing to counter San Francisco last week, the Titans rolled into Kansas City and beat down the Chiefs.  Newly extended Alex Smith did one better than the before mentioned Romo. He threw 3 picks, but he was sacked 4 times. Jamaal Charles was held to just 19 yards on 7 carries. And the Chiefs only TD came in garbage time late in the 4th quarter.

Dallas is 1-4 ATS in their last 5 games dating back to last season. This is a bad spot against an upstart, younger Titans team, whose adopted Ken Whisenhunt's smash mouth attitude. Poleaxeing alert, poleaxeing alert! 30-14 Titans. 

New Orleans at Cleveland (+6.5)
In my first of two games where I hopped on a home team catching at least a TD, I'm simply betting with some disturbing trends against New Orleans, and laying some faith in a player I've liked a lot the last couple years, Brian Hoyer.

For starters, the Saints haven't exactly been world beaters on grass, and neither has Drew Brees. The Saints were 1-2 ATS last year, and Drew Brees threw just 4 TDs, in the 3 games they played on the natural surface. Another mind boggler, is the fact that in the 38 road games in which Sean Payton has coached the Saints, the road team has covered the number just 5 times.

The Browns "won" the second half of their game last week in Pittsburgh, 24-3. They can move the ball and they can score. That might not bode well for a Saints defense that yielded almost 600 yards of total offense in Atlanta last week. New Orleans is a stock I'm selling. The Brownies are 5-2 ATS in their last 7 as a home dog. "Who dat at 0-2?" 30-27 Browns.

Seattle at San Diego (+6)
Its been 10 days since the Seahawks took it to Aaron Rodgers and the Pack. And its been 9 days and 23 hours since the onslaught of non-stop Seattle love has poured through my radio and TV speakers. I know you have 4 hours to kill, "guy with a radio show, who broke into the business writing what are actually boring sports column, but now you and your PD think you're a radio sports shock jock", but for Christs sake, its one fucking game!

I mean, whats not to like about Seattle? 11-2 ATS last 13.  And their last two "real" games involved absolute beat downs of future HOFers Peyton Manning and Aaron Rodgers. That's impressive.

But so is a San Diego Chargers team who has gone toe to toe with some real heavy weights lately. The Bolts are 6-1 ATS in their last 7, which includes ATS wins against tough Zona in Zona, and two ATS covers vs Denver, including a SU win in Denver in Week 14. Don't sleep on Seattle's less than stellar road record. They're 32-45-1 ATS on the road since 2005, and were 4-4 ATS last year. 23-20 Chargers.

Last Week (Including Thurs. Pit/Bal)                     1-5 ATS
YTD                                                                          1-5 ATS
Regular Season ATS Since '09                 189-153-12 ATS (55%)                                            

Follow along as we pursue excellence in the Las Vegas Hilton Super Contest.
@sportsyack on twitter

Thursday, September 4, 2014

NFL Week 1: The Beginning of The End for The Las Vegas Hilton

2013 Steelers Fan of the Year, Trevor Ditz
Cleveland at Pittsburgh (-6.5)
Its a big week for Big Hair, Big Ass, and Big Truck Nation. Not only is it the first week of school for the inbred kids up dare in Steeler Country- 72.7% of which are repeating the grade they were in last year-but they also open their 2014 campaign at home against their division rival Brownies. "I don't got time to help you with your spelling homework, Jim Bob, the Steeler game is on. Go ask my cous- I mean, your mama..."

Although Johnny "Why Are You Rolling Up Dollar Bills in A Club Bathroom" Football won't be playing this weekend, you can rest assured he'll be under center at some point soon. Brian Hoyer, coming off ACL surgery, won't be effective out of the gate, and the Brownies didn't take JF 22nd overall so that he could sit on the bench and pick his zits. I'll put the over/under on JF's NFL debut at Week 6.

The Steelers have won 7 of the last 8 between these two teams, with the average margin of victory being 15. And the last 3 games between these two teams have resulted in Steeler victories of 13, 16, and 14 points. Couple that with the Steelers home ATS record coming in (5-1 ATS last 6) and their mini heater at the end of '13- finishing on a 3 game win streak, including a season concluding 20-7 win against the Browns in Pittsburgh. Northeast Ohio radio will be calling for JF by 6 a.m. Monday morning. 23-13 Steelers.

Washington at Houston (-3)
The Shanahans and The Kubiak have left their respective buildings. Entering the building is Jon Gruden's less attractive, and more chubby brother for the Redskins (**Editor's Note** will be using the term Redskins in all our posts. We will not be joining the ranks of those who, for the most part, are lying about their fake outrage regarding the name. In fact, when Goodell and Snyder finally cave to the nonsense that is called political correctness, and they actually do change the name, this blog will still refer to them as the Redskins. On a side-note, retired New York Giant QB, and longtime Redskins rival Phil Simms, can go fuck himself. Now carry on...), and on the Texans sideline is Bill O'Brien.

The Texans were a big fat ATS loser for this blog last year, dropping dimes on their side 5 different times. They were 1-7 ATS at home, and a dreadful 4-12 ATS overall. But the new coach, coupled with a new guy under center, regardless of how bad you think Ryan Fitzpatrick may or may not be, is enough to get me back on the horse. And for what its worth, Matt Effing Schaub couldn't even win the job in Oakland this year versus a rookie who only had one start during the pre-season. That should tell you where Houston's problems started during the 2013 campaign.

This game will come down to a very underrated Texans defense (7th overall in '13), with the addition of Jadeveon Clowney and the newly extended (and very rich) JJ Watt, against a struggling RG3 leading Jay Gruden's offense, that will take a few weeks to get going and acclimated with. And the talking point that will be proven to be garbage very quickly, is that Mike Shanahan held back Jim Haslett's defensive scheming. The guy is a career loser as a DC, check the numbers for yourself. Sorry RG3, but I doubt you will cover here. 24-17 Texans.

Oakland at NY Jets (-5.5)
Three games into the 2014 season, and "Yack the Dog Chaser" has yet to get down on a dog. What can I tell you, this game has too many trends going against Oakland for me to not play the J-E-T-S. For one, the Jets ended the 2013 season on a mini heater, winning 3 of their last 4. And now they open at home, against a west coast team whose making the dreaded 1 pm EST start, sporting a rookie at the helm. Boat-race watch...

The Rai-duzz are 0-5 ATS in their last 5 games vs the AFC, and they also finished their 2013 campaign on an 0-4 ATS cooler.  And west coast teams playing the 1 p.m. EST start are just 41% ATS since 2005. Although the game itself is about as sexy as a yeast infection, this may be the strongest game on the board in Week 1. Geno Smith will shine, and the NY Jets defense will smother Derek Carr. 33-13 Jets.

Cincy at Baltimore (-2)
Sugar Ray Rice Won't See The Field Until Week 3
The good news for Ray Rice's wife is that two casinos in Atlantic City- Revel and The Showboat- recently shut down, giving her husband less options to get caught on camera pounding her face to a pulp, and then dragging her through the casino like a cave man. The bad news for Ray Rice's wife, is that Ray Ray was suspended for the first two games of the season, so in turn has nothing better to do this weekend, and he has a "$500 Match Your Play" comp from Borgata, that expires this Sunday.

The Ravens own Cincinnati in Baltimore. They've won 4 straight against their divisional foes in the Charm City, and Bengals coach Marvin Lewis isn't exactly "quick out of the gate guy". His opening day record is 4-7 overall,  3-5 on the road, including an opening day beat down here in Baltimore two years ago, 44-13. Conversely, John Harbaugh is an impressive 5-1 SU and ATS in season openers since taking the helm as the Ravens head coach.

Andy "I got paid even tho I suck" Dalton is 0-3 at Baltimore, throwing 7 pickles during those 3 games. Bet the Ravens to cover this game, while Ray Ray is in Atlantic City betting on black.... eye. 22-13 Ravens.

San Francisco at Dallas (+4.5)
The kiss of death is honing in on a team like I did 6 weeks ago ("I love San Fran at Dallas in week 1"- me to the Legend, back in July), and then flip flopping on their asses the week before the season starts. Besides the fact that its the annoying as shit and hated Dallas Cowboys, who you're flip flopping for. I don't know what it is, but I've done the proverbial 180 on this game, and I'm actually feeling pretty good about it.

Most of my "feeling" on this game revolves around all the bad news and press coming out of Dallas. We've heard all off season about how bad the Cowboys defense is. And ESPN just ran a lengthy interview with Jerry Jones, highlighting how much of an ego maniac he is, and how much of the fan base is fed up with him. It just seems to me that the point spread should be a couple points higher here, and there is some reason why its not. Who knows?

Tony Romo is healthy, and can put up points on his own, regardless of how piss poor his defense is. Remember last year's home tilt against the Broncos? And the Cowboys have actually been the play in the role of a dog. Dallas is 6-2 ATS in their last 8 as an underdog, including 4-1 ATS in their last 5 as a home dog. Frisco has had some off the field issues this off season, both with players and chatter regarding the coach and the front office.  Is this the year the Niners finish behind both the Seahawks and/or the Cardinals/ Rams in the NFC West? Will Dallas' defense be as bad as everyone thinks? Because if you want to take down the field in the LVH Super Contest, over the course of a grueling 17 Week NFL season, you need to "start asking the right fucking questions." 27-24 San Fran.

Reg. Season ATS Record since '09              188-148-12 (56%)

Follow along as we pursue excellence in the Las Vegas Hilton Super Contest
@Sportsyack on Twitter.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The Paternity Leave Tweet

By. Mike Baxter

I was assaulted yesterday on Twitter for saying the following things regarding Nats' Catcher Wilson Ramos' paternity leave:

"Paternity leave for a guy who is making $2m+/year to play a game, is embarrassing. Its not like the are on the road either. My point is that his wife is here in DC, are on home stand. He doesn't really need 3 days off from that "rough and tough, $2m/year job" of playing baseball."

First things first, I do not have kids. And from my standpoint, this is not relevant to this particular opinion. Secondly, if the Nats had been on a road trip and/or Wilson Ramos' wife was not residing in the DC area with him, my opinion would be that he most certainly deserves the time off, and I would not make issue with him missing 3 games. Logistically, he would need to take the 3 games off to be there for his wife and child.

But that's not the case. The Nats are at home for 3 games against the Mets and his wife is here in the DC area as well. In fact, she had their baby daughter Monday morning.

The question is not whether or not Wilson Ramos deserves to be there for the birth of his first child; he does. The question is not whether or not Wilson Ramos should be there in the hours and days following the birth of his child, as he should be.

So let me address what I was saying, since most of the assaulters yesterday, are too concerned with getting offended first, screaming at me second, and then maybe taking two seconds out of their day to consider what I was actually saying, third.

@EricFingerhut on Twitter said to me, "So you believe paternity leave in general is embarrassing, or just for rich baseball players. Either way, you're wrong."

Actually, Eric, I am not wrong. And I don't think paternity leave in general is embarrassing. But I'm glad you brought up the money aspect of it and what he does for a living.

The fact that he makes $2M/year is a consideration. Its only about 20 times more than the typical American family makes in a year.  It affords Ramos and his family to have the best medical staff and help that's available in the country. So is the fact that he's a Major League Baseball player. Unlike you and me and the majority of the rest of the country, Wilson doesn't have to get up at the crack of dawn, fight traffic for an hour, and then grind away at his job for 8 hours or more. He plays baseball for a living. He probably gets to the ball park around 1:30 or 2pm for a 7:05pm start. Of a game...

I'm pretty sure, considering the circumstances of his wife being right here in DC and the Nats playing games right here in DC, that Wilson with the permission from the team- which he would most certainly get, that he could cut his pre-gaming down by a couple hours, maybe he gets to the ball park at 4:30 or 5 for Games 2 and 3, puts in the 4-5 hour day and then returns back home.

Is that asking too much?

Bottom-line, he is compensated handsomely to play a game. The team still pays him and has been there for him when he's injured. And in professional sports, unlike other jobs out there ERIC, your season is condensed into about a 6-7 month window, not a 12 month out of the year job like the rest of us working class slobs. And when that season is in full swing, and you're in a pennant race in early August, your team expects you to perform and you should do everything in your power to be there.

Anthony Harris, @Skull_Bonez on Twitter said to me, "If it was a woman, you'd feel different."

Well, no shit, Sherlock. I'll let the genius known as Anthony Harris, ponder this proposition for an hour (or maybe he needs more than an hour), to consider why I might feel different if we were talking about a woman athlete needing leave because of the impending birth of a child, much more so than a man would.

Interestingly enough, I had 16 different assaulters on my Twitter timeline following my comments yesterday. However, when I proposed the same statement/question, regarding how fans and people in general would feel if one of the Nats star players wanted to take paternity leave under the same circumstances, BUT it was a home World Series game, only 1 person replied.

My tweet and thought process wasn't an attempt to insult women or anyone for that matter. It wasn't an attempt to be insensitive, or to dismiss the importance of family or the need to be around for the birth of a child. It was simply a thought, based on the reasons I've presented both here and on Twitter, that would be logistically possible for Mr. Ramos to pull off. But instead, as is Twitter's modus operandi, it became a "let's all get offended and then piss and moan and whine" at the offender, as if he just ran over our dog or took our first born.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The 2014 Washington Redskins Will Be Pretty Damn Good. So Says Riiiiiiiich Turpin

By. Rich Turpin

This is my 3rd Annual pre-season/pre-draft predictions for your Washington Redskins. I nailed the Redskins 2012 record at 10-6 (pat on back), but was just slightly off with my prediction for last year's season, as I had the Skins going 12-4, and as we all know they went bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh and something. As always, this is for entertainment purposes only.

Week 1 @Houston
Other than opening up against the Jags, the Skins drew their second best case scenario to open the season. The Texans with a new coach and new Quarterback, make for an ideal match up against Jim Haslett's bend but break anyway defense. RG3 will show flashes of his 2012 rookie campaign, and put on a show in his college state. Redskins win 31-20. (1-0)

Week 2 Jacksonville
For the second consecutive week, the Redskins will most likely be facing a rookie passer. The Jaguars will be looking for a new identity now that MJD has left town, and Fred Durst and Limp Bizkit have been irrelevant for over 10 years now. About the only sure things left in Jacksonville now are incest, confederate flags in the back window of pickup trucks, and the Jaguars f**king sucking. The Redskins make easy work of the Jags, 34-14. (2-0)

Week 3 @Philly
See You In Week 3, Chip....
The Redskins were 0-6 in the NFC East in 2013, and I expect them to end that streak here in week 3. Although the Eagles won the division in 2013, I expect Chip Kelly to have a bit of a sophomore slump. Desean Jackson won't shine in his first trip back to the city of Brotherly Love since being outed as a "gang member", but the Redskins will prevail anyway 24-20. (3-0)

Week 4 NY Giants
In the Redskins first nationally televised game of the season, they welcome Eli Manning and the pesky G-Men. The G-Men were busy during free agency signing Domonique Rodgers-Cromartie, Walter Thurmond, and Robert Ayers. I expect their defense to be improved, but offensively
they're still limited at the run game and they have no legit threat opposite Victor Cruz. The Redskins prevail in a defensive struggle, 17-10. (4-0)

Week 5 Seattle
For the second consecutive week, the Redskins have a nationally televised game. So what does that mean? Most likely a lot of protests and guys like Bob Costas and Mike Wise telling us how racist we are! The last time the Redskins and Seahawks met, RG3 ended up in a crumpled mess, on the mess that is Fed Ex Field. This go around, RG3 will remain upright, but the Skins won't prevail against the tough defending Super Bowl Champs. 27-13, Seahawks. (4-1)

Week 6 @Arizona
After an emotional loss the week before, the Redskins will be looking to rebound against a surging Arizona Cardinals team. The Cardinals defense has become pretty solid, led by CB Patrick Peterson and newly acquired CB Antonio Cromartie. However, the Cardinals still have Carson Palmer running the show offensively, and offensive is how I would describe that. The Skins pick off Palmer 4 times in their 30-13 victory. (5-1)

Week 7 Tennessee
The Titans are another team who will be searching for a new identity in 2014, having released Pro Bowl RB Chris Johnson. And it appears Jake Locker is the front runner to be their opening day starting QB. I'd rather be shoved into a locker than face that rooting dilemma, but then again I'm not a Titans fan. This game won't be close. RG3 and DJ have their first big game together, Griffin throwing for 348 yards and 3 TDs, while Jackson goes 7-145-2. Redskins roll, 40-24. (6-1)

Week 8 @Dallas
Henry Melton was added to the Dallas defense that finished dead last in 2013, but they lost Demarcus Ware and Jason Hatcher. Cash strapped relative to the cap, Dallas is spread more thin than Jerry Jones expressionless face. Dallas is adequate on the offensive side of the ball, but the fact is, Tony Romo and Jason Witten are approaching 'past their prime' time. D-Hall, David Amerson, and Ryan Clark will all be recipients of errant Tony Romo passes, and the Redskins win 23-13. (7-1)

Week 9 @Minnesota
For the third time this season, the Redskins could be facing a rookie QB. However, neither of their prior opponents with a rook under center had a RB in the backfield with the skills of Adrian Peterson. The Redskins defense has shown throughout the year that they are not the unit they were in 2013, and they continue that trend holding AP to under 100 yards. The Skins in a blowout, 41-17. (8-1)

Week 10 BYE

Week 11 Tampa Bay
Lovie Smith didn't completely commit to QB Mike Glennon when he was hired in the off season, leaving the door open for a competition between Glennon and free agent signing Josh McCown. The Bucs did bolster their already sold defense with the additions of DE Michael Johnson and CB Alterraun Verner. This game is surprisingly competitive, but the Redskins outlast the Bucs thanks to a game saving INT from CB Tracy Porter. Redskins win 23-20. (9-1)

Week 12 @SanFran
This is easily the toughest road game of the season, as the 49ers have established themselves as one of the most consistent teams over the last few seasons. The Redskins are overwhelmed in this contest, as RG3 will look like the 2013 version of himself turning the ball over 3 times. The Redskins will have a humbling weekend in the Bay Area. 31-20, 49ers. (9-2)

Week 13 @Indy
In one of the most anticipated match ups between young QBs, Robert Griffin and Andrew Luck will meet for the first time in a regular season game. The Colts added D'Qwell Jackson and Arthur Jones to their defense, and former Giant Hakeem Nicks to their already solid receiving corp. But as far as I'm concerned, there will be no surprises here, as Griffin will out play Luck, in a game where Alfred Morris steals the show. 157 yards rushing and 2 TDs for Alf, as the Redskins win 29-21. (10-2)

Week 14 St Louis
For the 7,972nd consecutive time, the Redskins and Rams meet in the regular season. The Sam Bradford Era in St. Louis is approaching the inevitable end, as the former #1 pick hasn't done anything to achieve franchise QB status, let alone continue leading the Rams to obscurity year after year.  The Redskins win in a laugher, 37-17. (11-2)

Week 15 @NYGiants
Having already locked up the NFC East, the Redskins won't come out with much of a fight in this meaningless divisional tilt. The G-Men take advantage of the Redskins lack of effort, prevailing 24-14. (11-3)

Week 16 Philly
Desean Jackson didn't go gangbusters in the first meeting between these two teams, but that will all change here. D-Jax goes off for 7-198-2 and watches as D-Hall picks off Mark Sanchez to cap off the big win. Redskins cruise, 33-20. (12-3)

Week 17 Dallas
With many of the starters resting for the playoffs, the Cowboys will take advantage of a mostly second string edition of the 2014 Redskins. Redskins' backup QB Colt McCoy throws two pickles as the Cowboys go on to win, and celebrate the conclusion of their 5-11 season. (12-4)


Having clinched a first round bye, the Redskins will await the winner of the New Orleans Saints/Atlanta Falcons winner. The Skins will then go toe to toe with the Saints, winning in a shootout between RG3 and Drew Brees, 45-37. However, they will eventually fall short of a Super Bowl appearance, losing to the hated Seattle Seahawks in the NFC Championship Game, 23-17.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Get Your Shit Together, Starbucks

Commentary by Mike Baxter

Its the little things in life that annoy me, and its the little things in life that probably annoy 99% of the population, as well. And on this glorious, rainy April morning, one of those annoying things reared its ugly head again.

For the record, I've had issue with this and have even made mention of this to Starbucks in the past through my @Sportsyack twitter account. So this isn't some new phenomenon, or some random rant I've decided to blog about today. I've had issue and made suggestions to these fuckers for probably three or more years now.

Nothing- and I mean NOTHING, is more fucking annoying than when I roll over to Starbucks at 7am on a random Tuesday or any day for that matter, and I'm waiting 10 fucking minutes, usually as just the 3rd or 4th person in line, because some house frow- who is in more need of a salad and a treadmill than the 1000+ calorie sausage egg and cheese croissant with a side of lard she's ordering- is holding up the line placing her god damn food order.

Now I'm not posting this to take a shot at or poke fun of fat people. They're entitled to wake up and roll over to Starbucks, and order as much "cottage cheese legs" creating horseshit food as they want. That's their god given right, or until at least the FLOTUS implements more food rules that everyone hates. But in any case, the customers ordering all this shit and holding up us coffee drinkers, are not the problem; Starbucks is.

Yep, Starbucks. The cult of personality coffee shop who apparently can't squeeze in an extra employee (or two) and an extra "Coffee Only" line, with the $14.9 billion they made in 2013, to focus on what put them at the top of the hipster food chain; coffee.

Consider your coffee drinkers, Starbucks. Consider the fact that that's why the majority of your customers are here in the first place. Consider that you've created a brand that when spoken, is immediately synonymous with coffee. Its not croissants, or egg McMuffins, or 600 calorie coffee cake, or wifi, or sitting around with your loser friends and discussing the deep meaning of the lyrics in Lorde's latest song, its the coffee, stupids.

So do all of us coffee drinkers a favor, and come off your big fat corporate wallets (wow, I'm starting to sound like a whiny liberal), and invest in another employee or two (and a "Coffee Only" line), so that your coffee customers don't have to spend 12 god damn minutes to conduct a transaction that should've taken 4.