Monday, September 28, 2009

Sorry, Timmy

Dear Iron Mike,

My name is Timmy Reynolds. I am 10 years old and live in Springfield, Illinois. I know you don't know who I am but you ruined my life today. My father apparently has been subscribing to your weekly picks for the NFL. Unfortunatley for you, him, and me, I now have no college fund.

I write you in hopes of persuading you to stop sharing your horseshit football picks with the rest of the world. Yesterday I had dreams of being a doctor, today my father is taking me out to dinner on the dollar menu at McDonald's.

I realize that I am only 10 years old and you have probably been making football bets for longer than I have been alive, but you really suck. I really don't care how much money you lose personally on your terrible picks, but do the rest of the world a favor and keep them to yourself.



P.S. My dad just sold my puppy to the guy across the street.

Friday, September 25, 2009

NFL Week 3


Washington –6.5 at Detroit.

Can the Redskins really be that bad? Can they really follow up a 9-7 ass whuppin of a team who had lost 10 straight games coming in, by going to the stadium of a team who has lost 19 straight games, and laying an egg there too? The answer is “no”.

The Redskins offense is going to come out of its shell this week, trust me. They’re sick and tired of having their punter lead the team in touchdowns scored.

Word from Redskin Park is that “Coach” Zorn has had the Skins working on the Statue of Liberty play in all 1st and goal situations. When asked about why he opts to run that play, in lieu of smashing it up the middle, he just said, “because its more groovy, man.” And as far as his half back option he ran last week with Portis in a 3rd and goal from the 5, Zorn intelligently replied, “Well, if I knew that play was not going to work prior to calling it, I probably would not have called that play in the first place.” Really? Really.....?? The sky is the limit with that Lombardi-esque philosophy at the helm for this team, holy fuck.....

We also love the under here. The Redskins last 10 games ATS with regard to the total, are 9-0-1 in favor of the under. Redskins 26 Lions 9.

Tennessee +2.5 at NY Jets

Jeff Fischer is one of my favorite coaches ever. Not just because he reminds me of one of my favorite bookies of all time, but because of the touching remarks he made at Steve McNair’s memorial service. Unbeknownst to most, Fischer actually thought McNair, who was killed on the 4th of July, was a victim of faulty fireworks.

During the eulogy, Fischer said it warmed his heart knowing that McNair died “while surrounded by his wife and kids, doing something all family men do best- rejoicing in the spirit of our country’s patriotic holiday.” He went on to talk about how unfortunate and ironic it is, that McNair and his teammates prevailed in “The Music City Miracle”, yet he succumbed to injuries brought on by, “bottle rockets and roman candles.” In closing, he warned the congregation that for future 4th of July celebrations, “beware of the quick fuses. And psycho middle eastern broads.”

Coach Fischer and crew will not start off this season 0-3. On the flip side, pretty boy rookie QB Sanchez- along with the rookie head coach, will not come out of the gates 3-0. It ain’t happening. Tennessee is 7-2-1 ATS in their last 10 on the road. The NY Jets, coming off a big win against an overrated Patriots team, will come back down to earth in a big way. The Jets converted only 3 of 12 third downs last week. Look for Tennessee's defense to emulate the suffocating menace they were in week 1 against Pittsburgh, when they gave up less than 40 yards on the ground. This game will be one that you will be writing the “W” next to, mid way through the 3rd quarter. This is our NFL Game of The Month.

“The 77%-er”

There are two games this week that involve teams in the second game of a back-to-back roadie, who also happen to be favorites. The home dogs in these match ups are Tampa +7, and Buffalo +5.5. Since 1992, and I’m not making up this statistic, the home team in this scenario has covered ATS 77% of the time. And since our service does not have the testosterone to drop a couple dimes against a team who has posted 93 points through two weeks, we love Tampa Bay getting the points here.

For starters, we feel that the Giants are not as good as they’re advertised to be, led (Eli) by someone who is not as good as he’s advertised to be, and emotionally- coming off a huge national television win at Dallas, might have a bigger letdown than the folks who voted for Obama. The Giants will be driving late in the game, to either tie or take the lead. Either way, no cover for the G-Men.

In Summary:

Washington Under
Tampa Bay

Last Week


Rich Turpin's Very Super Forecast: The 2017 Washington Redskins

By. Rich Turpin Week 1, Philadelphia "Let me fleece Mr. Snyder first, and then I'll see you in 2018!" The Redskins op...