Sunday, November 29, 2009

NFL Week 12- Where's Kato Kaelin?... and we like Miami

An SUV, a golf club in the front yard, alleged affairs, PAC 10 athlete, blonde bombshell wife; the Tiger Woods story gets weirder by the minute. If some shaggy head, effeminate wanna be actor comes forward, who just so happens to live in a guest house on Tiger’s property, I might shoot myself.
Honestly, if you’re a waiter at an Italian joint outside Windemere, and Mrs. Woods happens to leave her shades at the table you were serving her at, you might want to just leave them the fuck alone, ok? Throw them in the trash or donate them to good will, whatever you have to do. Just don’t be the hero who returns them to her residence.
And I’m glad to see that the Windermere police also double as Tiger Woods’ bitches.
“No problem, Mr. Woods. We’ll come back tomorrow.”
“Oh, Mr. Woods doesn’t feel well enough to talk to us about the possible domestic violence call that we responded to at 2:30 in the morning? That’s just fine.”
Nice to see celebrity justice is still in full swing. If me or any of my ass clown friends had been leaving our residence at 2:25 in the morning, and we had the driving skills of an asian paraplegic, we’d be answering some questions by now. And probably with a billy club planted upside our stupid head.
I mean, for Christ’s sake Tiger. How in the fuck do you hit a fire hydrant AND a tree, leaving your god damn driveway?!?! Maybe Stevie pulled out the wrong club, because that drive- should we say, was errant.
We’re huge golf guys, and we love Tiger Woods.The previous 4 paragraphs are all fun and games, and Tiger knows it- he cleared this piece. He’s an icon in not just his sport, but in ‘sport’. He has made more millionaires out of guys who finish 125th on the money list, than Roland Thatcher has made birdies in his career.
Who’s Roland Thatcher, you might ask? He’s some donkey whose made $1.8 million in barely 4 seasons on the PGA Tour, playing the type of golf Tiger would play using one arm. And he’s made that type of scratch because of one, Tiger Woods.
Not to mention the millions of dollars that end up at charitable foundations, because of the impact he has had on a game that was once reserved for rich, white nerds.
Get off this dude’s back, already. He’s the biggest athlete on the planet, and he lives his life in a fishbowl. Through 13 years in the spotlight, he’s done pretty well to up hold his civil and tax paying duties.
Regardless of what happened the other night, we do know this: 1) He was not seriously injured, as first reported 2) No charges were filed. So anything else that might come out of it, is his personal business. And anything else reported, as far as we’re concerned, is tabloid.

Washington at Philly –9
Redskins gave their best effort of the season last week, only to come up short down in Big D. Following the inspired play for not- and some post game shots from some of the defensive players aimed at their inept offense, expect a big fat egg here, Skin fan. It's officially, "just hand me my paycheck on Tuesday" time in DC.
Philly owned Washington down in Washington a month ago, playing the majority of the game without Brian Westbrook. The final score was alot closer than the actual game. Eagles have lost 3 out of 4 in this series, but this is a spot they win going away, needing to keep up with dem Cowboys. Eagles will have your ship anchored in Cover Harbor, by the end of the 3rd quarter.

Miami –3.5 at Buffalo
Miami needs to win to maintain their case for a wildcard spot. Although we’re not big fans of teams on a back to backer, we like them in this spot for two reasons. For starters, they’ve played really well on the road ATS, covering 9 of their last 12, and secondly, we think they could wildcat the Bills to death.
The Bills have the 31st ranked run defense. They also have a new coach, and are fickle at the quarterback position. We don’t know who the hell is running that team.
We do know that the Dolphins are the best .500 football team in football. We know that they are the only team who had both the Saints and Colts on the ropes going into the fourth quarter. The Saints put a 22 spot on them in the fourth, and the Colts had to score a go ahead with 3 minutes to go.
This game today is easy. We never, ever condone parlays, teasers, all that other bullshit associated with degeneracy, but today we are. This is our NFL Game of the Month. Lay good faith and good money, on the team from South Florida.

Last Week


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