Friday, January 8, 2010

NFL Playoffs: Week 1

To the Steeler fan(s) who ‘commented’ back to us regarding last weekend’s game in Miami, about what “fucking idiots” we are, and how you’d “come find you dumbass, and cut you” (this is how it was written verbatim), we acknowledge that you are right, and we are wrong. We definitely took the Dolphins getting the three points, and you and your boys went out and got it done. You beat a third string quarterback, but nevertheless, it’s all about scoreboard, when the clock hits zero.

Our objective in this column is to entertain, and provoke thought- not to stir up old cast members from the film ‘Deliverance’. Its always been clear to us- and it’s reiterated with emails like the ones you sent us after Sunday’s game, that Steeler fans are the most ignorant, inbred idiots in all of football. And your stupidity in sending us threatening emails is par for the course, when we refer to you and your team as big ass, big hair, and big truck nation.

Since you won’t have any teams to root for this weekend, we suggest you head on down to the Breezewood stop located between Pittsburgh and D.C. There is a 50% off sale on Slim Jims, cigarettes, and hair spray. Scoreboard. Enjoy your off season.

Philadelphia at Dallas-4
We could pretty much copy and paste everything we told you about this game last week, and apply it for the rematch for this week’s game. You’re still looking at a Dallas Cowboy team who has been peaking since that beat down they gave the Saints in prime time three weeks ago. Their defense is giving up virtually nothing, and Tony Romo is playing almost mistake free football.

Philadelphia is still not the same team without a younger and healthier Brian Westbrook. And if there ever could be a case to make an argument that an 11-5 football team is just average, this year’s Philadelphia Eagle team might make that case.

For starters, they are the only playoff team who did not beat a team in the regular season who went on to make the playoffs (0-4). We also didn’t care for what they “accomplished” in their head to heads with Dallas.

In the first game in Philly, the Eagles were held to just 88 yards on the ground, and 16 points. Last weekend was even worse; 37 total yards on the ground, and “zero-point-zero” points. (Shout out to Dean Wormer)

The real tell tale for us, was the size of the egg laid by the Eagles, with the enormity of what was on the line last weekend. A number two seed in the NFC, a week one bye, and a home playoff game when the divisional rounds start, and that’s the best you could do, Eagle fan?

We wouldn’t read too much into Dallas’s ability or inability to beat the same team three times in one season; Dallas is going to beat that Eagle ass, and they’re going to do it rather easily. They’re the better team, and they’re playing as good as anyone right now. 31-10 Cowboys.

Baltimore +3 at New England
The talk around the Sportsyack war room this week (which by the way, the Sportsyack war room is a one bedroom apartment, littered with dead drain flies, old FHM magazines that are unreadable, and the stench of ass) was that if we wagered on the Ravens/Patriots game, we weren’t going to piss our money away, betting against Tom Brady and Bill Belichek. Let the urination flow of our hard earned green backs commence.

New England has not been that great against the number. Since their bye week 9 weeks ago, they’re only 2-6-1 ATS. They enter this game with a defense ranked just 11th, after having top 10 defenses in Foxboro, for 9 consecutive years. Additionally, the loss of Wes Welker is huge. He caught 123 balls this year, versus Randy Moss’ 83. The Ravens will now have to contend a much older and less effective Randy Moss, and a rookie 7th round pick from Kent State.

Baltimore might be the most underrated team in the post season. They had the toughest schedule, having played 9 games in the regular season that featured playoff teams. They only won 2 of those 9, but managed to beat San Diego on the road, and should’ve beat Minnesota on the road, blowing a double digit lead in the fourth quarter.

Over the last month of the season, they have absolutely run the dog piss out of the football. They ran for 242 against Detroit, 124 against Chicago, 175 against Pittsburgh, and another 240 against Oakland. That’s an amazing 192 yards rushing, per game.

They could’ve run the table in December, except for two touchdowns called back for penalties and a touchdown drop by Derrick Mason against the Steelers.

New England did beat the Ravens 27-21 in week 5, but again it featured a huge Raven drop. This time it was Mark Clayton, who dropped a 4th down pass from Joe Flacco on New England’s 10 yard line, as the Ravens were driving down the field for a possible go ahead score, late in the fourth quarter.

The Patriot dynasty started its descent when David Tyree caught that ball with his helmet, 2 years ago in the Superbowl. It continued with Brady’s injury in week 1 the following year, and has continued with free agent losses, more injuries, and Belichek’s loss of faith in his once dominant defense (see 4th and 2 against Indianapolis on their own 28).

The line is suspiciously low, getting the Pats at home and only having to lay a field goal. The line of suckers waiting to get down on the Pats in this spot is out the door. Don’t follow the masses here. Baltimore wins outright, in what will most likely be a low scoring affair.

Regular Season Record

Playoff Record
0-0, Clean Slate

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