Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Top 10 Reasons Why LeBron will be "Moving Out" This Summer



Drum roll please, Paul....

#10. LeBron has been having trouble falling asleep at night, having to listen to his Mom’s head repeatedly hit her bed’s headboard, whenever Delonte is paying a late night visit.

#9. LeBron used to just have to take out the trash and keep his room clean. Now his new "step dad" has implemented dish washing as part of his home chores, as well as the occasional, “get me a beer, boy.”

#8. Delonte West now plays Van Morrison’s “Gloria” non-stop, during pre-game dress in the Cavs locker room.

#7. Gloria James has added a jersey to compliment her “LeBron’s Mom” jersey, with a jersey that reads "#13+me=69".

#6. When on the court with West, LeBron is sick of hearing, “son, son…” when Delonte is attempting to get LeBron to pass him the ball.

#5. Tired of hearing teammates refer to his mom as a MILF.

#4. Upon hearing about the Delonte/LeBron's Mom story, both the Knicks and the Bulls implemented a "No Fucking Any Other Player's Mom" clause, into every roster player's contract.

#3. Delonte's "I got my head above the rim last night-wink,wink" and "Slam dunking that ass after the game" tweets, caused LeBron to go after West during a pre-game walk thru, prior to Game 4 versus Boston.

#2. Recently overheard Antawn Jamison ask West if he could smell West's fingers.

...and the #1 Reason Why LeBron will be moving out this summer....So that he can help John Wall and the Bullets bring a Championship to the Phone Booth!!!!


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Friday, May 14, 2010

The War of Words Continues

Judge Patrick responds to Billy Sword:

I was hoping Bill Sword would show his face this morning, because I'm in the mood for a fight. I think it's funny how people like to argue that a player's individual achievements mean nothing unless the team succeeds, but yet those same people like to put all of the blame for a teams shortcomings on just one individual.

I guess Lebron should have had a better triple double last night. I guess Lebron should've done something to stop Mo Williams from scoring 4 points in Game 2. It's his fault that Jamison "went off" for 7 points in Game 1. It's Lebron's fault that Williams and Jamison in Game 5, the players that supposedly are the two pieces that make this roster championship worthy, COMBINED for 18 points in the biggest game of the year. Why didn't Lebron stop the Times Square Bomber?

You don't want to talk about the roster around Lebron because it's a argument that you can't win. 4 of the 5 best players in this series wear Celtics jerseys. Big Baby Davis outplayed Jamison for christ's sake.

I noticed that you tried to make your mention of Scottie Pippen as brief as possible. "MJ never had great talent around him." Pippen was only named one of the 50 greatest players of all time and a hall of famer, you friggin idiot. I'm sure that didn't help any. Dennis Rodman, greatest rebounder and interior defender of his time, probably helped out too. They were both just along for the ride, just like those bums Ron Harper and Toni Kukoc were along for the ride. You laugh at that I'm sure, but those guys were good players at that time and played big roles for those teams. I haven't even gotten to Phil Jackson. More titles than any other coach in history. I guess it was just a coincidence that Jordan didn't win anything until they fired Doug Collins and brought in Jackson.

"Is that too much to ask of the supposed greatest player in the game? The ability, in a tight elimination game, to take over a quarter."

I guess you weren't watching the night that Lebron scored his teams final 25 points, leading them to victory against Detroit on the road. You seem to be convinced that the Lakers were Kobe's team from the first day that he got there, and that Kobe has been this clone of Jordan that just eat, sleeps, and breathes winning. What was Kobe doing that one year against Phoenix in Game 7 when he took a total of 3 shots in that game? Would Phil Jackson draw up a game plan that would leave the unquestioned leader, and best player of the team, with just 3 shot attempts? Or was Kobe just being a selfish baby. Your memory is quite selective.

Lebron is 25 years old. He has been in the playoffs 5 out of 7 years, averaging 29 pts, 8 rebs, 7 asts. He's the only other player, besides Oscar Robertson, to average 27-6-6 for three years straight. He IS the best individual player in the NBA, but you can't win championships with just one man. You have to surround players like Lebron, Kobe, MJ with competent talent, and coaching, in order to win it all. When that happens, whether it is in Cleveland, New York, Chicago, or Baghdad, Lebron will win multiple championships. He's just too good not to. Until then, I guess he's going to have to listen to critics like Bill Sword, who thinks that a guy that averages nearly a triple double throughout his playoff career, is a glorified T Mac. What a horseshit line of thinking that is, Billy!

One last thing: until Lebron's son takes his dead body and cuts his head off so that he can stick it in a freezer in hopes of somehow being able to profit off his DNA, do not compare him to that lifetime loser, Ted Williams.

Now go fuck yourself. Judge Patrick.


Billy Sword:

Typical response from a Washington area sports fan, where the offseason and regular season seem just as important as the post season- you know, where championships are won.

You probably think it's okay that the Caps choked now that at least that same 8 seed beat the Penguins. Same fan that thinks McNabb is better than Eli Manning, when in comparable championship situations, one led his team to a title, while the other played the role of the big bad wolf and huffed and puffed and blew it in the 4th quarter.

Sometimes stats don't matter, especially when we're talking playoffs, you want to talk about playoffs..."playoffs??". Maybe Ovi and Lebron can enjoy a much needed MVP cruise together, while the real players are still chasing the hardware. So Judge Patty, continue to keep making excuses for those players that are supposed to be in the discussion for the greatest of all time, and while you're at it build yourself your own 'little' Mt. Rushmore of current sports stars, which can include Ovi, Lebron, Dale Jr., and Donovan.

Billy Sword


Judge Patrick fires back:

Is rape part of the process of becoming a winner? Maybe Lebron should travel to Colorado and ask the front desk girl to "fix his tv." Oh, my bad. Not to slander, I forgot, Kobe got off on that. (allegedly roughing up the suspect after she left)

Typical response from a Washington area sports fan??? Spare me, globe trotter. You root for the Steelers, Red Sox, Lakers, and the U, down in Miami. Does your sports gear come with a compass?

Is Trent Dilfer a better QB than McNabb? Is Mark Rypien better than McNabb? No and no. They were lucky enough to land on great teams, teams good enough to win a championship. All I'm saying is that in team sports, regardless of how great of a individual talent you may have on that team, you need to have a complete TEAM in order to win it all. The Giants don't beat the Patriots, despite Eli's efforts, without that pass rush. You can pick and choose examples all day long to fit the argument. People just take too much joy in pinning all the failures, but none of the success, on high profile players like Lebron and Ovie.

Lastly, just so there is no confusion, I want to make sure I have this straight. By your own standards, Ted Williams and his frozen head that his own son had cut off so that he could try and profit from selling the DNA, is a loser, right?

Letter to the Editor



WOW! Is Judge Patrick some sort of psychic? His synopsis could not have been more dead on for last night's game; similarly to the prediction he put forth prior to game 7 of the Caps/Habs series.

The bottom line is this. Lebron is Dominique Wilkins 2.0.,a slightly better version of T-Mac and Vinsanity. Great players don't disappear in a series turning game, ala Game 5 in the Rock City. Sure last night he had a triple double- almost a quadruple double, if you factor in the 9 turnovers, and I don't doubt his physical talent on the court. However, the guy is not a winner.

Talk about the roster all you want,but MJ wasn't surrounded by great talent (Pippen aside). He won with Bill Wennington, Will Purdue, that goofy ass Aussie that always got hurt body surfing, John Paxson, Steve Kerr, Tony Kucoc, and the list goes on and on and on. Great players make average players good. Great players don't pull a Houdini when the series is on the line. Great players don't let their team get outscored by 7 in the 3rd quarter of a win or go home game. Is that too much to ask of the supposed greatest player in the game?...to take over a quarter, in a tight elimination game?

Bird did it, Magic did it, Kobe's done it, MJ did it all the time. And you can forget the no talent around him argument. Even when Kobe had Shaq on his team, in nut crunching time, it was Kobe's team, Kobe's game.

Winning, Leadership, the ability to put your team on your back and carry them to victory; they all factor into the argument when placing guys into the category of "Best Ever". And until "The King" can navigate his team through a weak Eastern Conference and not get swept in the finals, he will be relegated to the list with the likes of Charles Barkley, Alex Ovechekin, Dan Marino, and even Ted Williams (hurts to say as a Sox Fan).

I just hope "The King" doesn't insult the greatest player of all time and go to Chicago and try to wear 23 in the Windy City.

Sincerely,

Billy Sword





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Thursday, May 13, 2010

All Hail



The King has been disrespected and tonight he is going to do something about it. Believe me when I tell you, Lebron was taking notes yesterday and I fully expect him to reassert himself for what he is- the most dominant player in the league.

We're not the biggest NBA fans in the world, but I really don't understand where some of this criticism was coming from yesterday. The guy had a bad game and yes, he did seem a bit out of it, but people are going way overboard on him. And anyone that tries to argue with a straight face that the roster around Lebron is a championship caliber roster, is smoking crack.

The team is Lebron, as evidenced by the other night.

If he is off, there is not one person on that roster that you can count on to be there to pick up the slack. Moe Williams is not that good, Jamison is very overrated, and Shaq is damn near 60; just look at the cover of Sports Illustrated today. Boston's roster takes a big, fat, steaming shit on Cleveland's from top to bottom. They have a better starting 5 and a deeper bench. And they won it all just 2 years ago. The Celtics start Rondo, Allen, Pierce and Garnett, and people are surprised that they are competitive in this series. Why?

Kobe has scoreboard on Lebron because of the rings, but Kobe's been around 13 years now and he's had the advantage of being surrounded with talent that can actually HELP him.

Kobe doesn't win those 3 rings without having a Shaq that was still in his prime. Shaq left L.A. and what happened? They were a middle of the pack team in the West that never won a damn thing until they surrounded Kobe with the proper talent again. Pau Gasol, Odom, Bynum, Artest; Kobe has needed the supporting cast to win it all. And up to this point in his career, Lebron just hasn't had a supporting cast that is capable of getting them over the hump.

Kobe is really good, but Lebron is better. Lebron is the king, god damnit. And I literally can't wait until tonight when once again, he will be a man amongst boys, who will put his team on his back, and carry them back to Cleveland, where he will beat the Celtics on his own.


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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Bulging Discs and Other Gross Stuff


What a weekend! It started off with the news of Lawrence Taylor's 3rd degree rape charge of a 16 year old in a hotel room that most surely was riddled with bed bugs and suspicious stains. By Sunday morning, news was breaking of Tiger pulling out of Sawgrass with a bulging disc. And to cap it all off, Vancouver Canucks' defenseman Sami Salo provided us with the ultimate case of "taking one for the team", when he took a slap shot to the testicles, rupturing one of the boys.

First things first, Lawrence Taylor is a disaster. This guy's life looks like Joey T's X-Ray from 1985. I have no sympathy for him and frankly, I'm tired of reading these stories about him every few years. He clearly has substance abuse problems that he can't control, and at this point in his life, there is no reason to believe that he ever will control them.

He used to rally his teammates by encouraging them to "go out there like a bunch of crazed dogs" and right now, I firmly believe that is where he should be living- with a pack of wild dogs.

If this guy never had the ability to sack the quarterback, he'd be looked upon by society for exactly what he is; a criminal. Possession of drugs, hit and runs, failure to pay child support, and now this latest. And spare me the "she said she was 19" excuse. If you're a 51 year old man, and its 3 o'clock in the morning, and you're in a DNA infested Holiday Inn hotel room, and your call girl looks like she should be home studying for her high school final exams, you might be on the verge of breaking some law.

In short, Lawrence, you allowed a multi-layered ex-convict to broker a liaison with you and a girl who was born in 1994.

We're sure L.T. (Likes Teenagers) will eventually answer to lesser charges, as that is protocol for current and ex-athletes who find themselves in hot water. But rest assured, we'll be here in 2012 or 2013, discussing his next run in with the law. Stay tuned.



Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, you are pathetic. Seriously, at what point will this dude stop free falling? I thought he had hit, or was near hitting rock bottom, when his "sexts" hit the internet and we all found out about his love for providing the plumbing for golden showers. But this guy just invents ways to become more bizarre and I'm beginning to doubt his ability to ever recover and be the level of golfer that he once was pre-Pussygate.

His head is clearly a mess (I'm speaking of the one attached to his neck), his golf game is a mess, but most alarming to me as a golf fan, is the fact that he is now sporting the look of a defeated man. Not just in golf, but in life.

Whether or not he has a bulging disc, Tiger has become disingenuous. I don't think there is anything he could say right now that I wouldn't question the validity of. His fall from grace is paralleled to nobody's in the modern sports era. Its embarrassing.

February's press conference, bullshit. 5 minute interview with Kelly Tilghman, bullshit. Nike commercial with Earl's voice, odd. "Hank Haney's still my coach.", bullshit.

And what's with the 'Jackie O' shades, Eldrick? I don't care how many times he says he's wearing sunglasses now to keep the pollen out of his eyes (bullshit, also), as those sunglasses are nothing more than a protective shield of sorts for him.

Where were the allergies for the 13 years prior to Pussygate? Did he just develop allergies? Or did he just get away from his core allergies, and now they've returned? The guy throws them on the second he's done hitting a shot. Believe me, it's a defense mechanism.

Golf is the least of this guy's concerns right now. His entire life and everything that he and his people had strategically built around him for 13 years, has come crashing down all around him. And for the first time in his life, he has no control of what is going on around him.

Tiger has returned to his roots; an insecure, last kickball player picked nerd, who was constantly monitored and controlled by his drill sergeant of a father. "Tiger Woods" was simply some superhero concocted by his father and handlers around him. "Tiger Woods", for all intents and purposes, is dead.

Tiger needs to leave the game indefinitely, and do what he said he was going to do, the day he read that speech Phil Knight wrote. Take an indefinite leave of golf, get his mental and physical self back to form, and then start playing golf again like a man possessed.



Hockey players are the toughest athletes on the planet, period. Anyone that may think otherwise can go have a chat with Sami Salo and his ruptured testicle.

That's right, I said ruptured testicle. The word "ruptured" just sounds painful. Add in the word "testicle" to the equation, and you have effectively shut down every porno shoot in the San Fernando Valley for a week.

In case you didn't see it or hear about it, this dude Salo took a shot to the "area" near the end of the 1st period in their game against Chicago Sunday night. Needless to say, Salo went down and did not get up. It was apparent early on that this was more than just your run of the mill "cup check", and Salo was taken to the hospital for further investigation. Shortly thereafter it was discovered that Sami was "down a man".

Time and time again, hockey players display a level of toughness that you simply just don't see in any other sport. Salo's, or should we say, "Solo's" injury, came on the heals of an image that Caps fans probably won't soon forget; Eric Belanger removing one of his 9 chicklets from his mouth, simply using one of his god given digits, and a piece of gauze.

The price these guys pay in pursuit of Lord Stanley's Cup is remarkable. Taking a stick or slapshot to the face, mouth, or groin has become common place in the NHL, especially once the playoffs start. This type of team first, all out play, puts into perspective the patheticness that is an overpaid, overweight, anti-team asshole defensive tackle, who can't even show up to mini camp, because he's too busy counting his $31 million.

Hockey players are tough. Don't believe me? Go ask Sami Salo and his ruptured testicle. By the way, Salo took part in this morning's skate, and might suit up for this evening's game.


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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Wise Needs to Talk Sports or STFU

The Fan's Mike Wise continues to show us why he's still out of touch with his audience, and why his station continues to search for its identity with regard to content.

The card carrying bleeding heart liberal, carpet-bagger, spent almost an entire 4 hour show yesterday invoking 'rape', 'entitlement', and 'racism' into the UVA Lacrosse case-which at the time, had provided virtually no details to the general public.

D.C.'s new sports talk? More like the male version of The View, hosted by a bald, pot stirring asshole.

Speaking almost entirely by himself, as it appeared even his co-host Holden Kushner was in awe ("ok, lets take a deep breath") with the hypocrisy and stupidity coming out of Wise's mouth, Wise got on his typical left leaning social slant, as he wondered out loud whether this case would garner headline coverage, if the victim and suspect weren't white and privileged.

The absurdity hit a deafening level, when Wise paralleled the Duke Lacrosse case to the current 'situation' at UVA- lumping all Lacrosse players together, as spoiled, entitled (white) rich kids, and his dialogue got even more stupid when again-not knowing a single fact to the crime which was barely 24 hours old, Wise wondered if rape was involved, and then spoke of some correlation, we guess only Wise seems to know of, between rape and college Greek Fraternity houses.

Late into Wise's show, details did emerge from the case, suggesting that the victim had some blunt force trauma to her head, and she had an eye that was swollen shut. At this point in the show, Wise immediately said the suspect would most likely get the death penalty.

We wonder how Wise would've handled his air time had the victims been black, or even better yet, the suspect had been black, and the victim white. We wonder what kind of stance he would've taken. Probably a more "hey, lets hear the details of the case, before we cast judgement" attitude.

Wise's commentary yesterday is particularly interesting, considering the commentary he offered the day his friend and confidant Gilbert Arenas was to be sentenced in the infamous "pick one" Wizards gun case.

A much different Wise that day, who was pleading for a light sentence for a guy who had already had a run in with the law for a gun incident, Wise offered every sympathetic excuse in the world, for why Arenas should get a slap on the wrist, which is what Arenas received, later that afternoon.

Two things of note here: Wise, or his bosses at The Fan, need to be reminded that their station is not in the genre for social commentary; its a sports talk format, guys. Time and time again, Wise sends his 25-54 year old males "packing" with his biased social commentary. If we wanted to hear that type of commentary (which we don't), we'd listen to his WaPo colleague, Eugene Robinson.

Secondly, bad apples come from all walks of life, and all kinds of colors. And the blood thirsty media covers them the same, regardless. OJ (black) and Nicole Brown (white), Rae Carruth(black) and his girlfriend(black). These cases garnered much more attention nationally than this UVA case will ever get.

This case falls into the Nancy Grace genre of broadcast, which ironically Wise mixed in a dig at her too, as he went on and on about it, doing essentially what she does on TV. This story is worth a mention in a sports talk format; not almost 4 hours of pablum.

The NBA playoffs, the Players' Championship, the 14-12 Nationals- all things Wise could be speaking about, instead of his hypocritical opinions on all the "social injustices" this big, bad, mean country has to offer.


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