Thursday, June 24, 2010

Sports Are Off Limits for TiVo, You Dipshits

Like many Americans, soccer is not my thing. We have the NFL, MLB, NHL, (and yes, McDerrmott, I'll admit it) the NBA. Its because of the viewing pleasure these sports, and even Tiger Woods and NASCAR for some offer, for why soccer will never be elevated to its own throne here; its just not as exciting as the before mentioned. Period.

Having said that, I did take a gander at USA/England over a week ago, and I saw the second half of yesterday's USA/Algeria game. I will admit that I was getting quite anxious, as the scoreless tie was moving closer and closer to the 90th or 93rd or whatever minute the referee says the game ends, and Team USA's fate appeared sealed. However, Landon Donovan's goal in the 91st minute changed everything, and soccer fans in America were sent into a tizzy. I even let out a mini "Yay!"

Many of those in a tizzy took to the Internet. In fact, they did so at a rate of 11.2million visits per minute (highest in almost 5 years), all tracking World Cup related news sites.

Twitter was a buzz. Among the "oh my gods!!" and "Wow!"s and "I just creamed my jeans" and so forth, I ran across two specific tweets, in which the tweeter mentioned the fact that they were happy they had TiVo'd the game.

Why? Had you not watched it live? Did you wish to watch it again? Have you ever seen a grown man naked? I mean, what the fuck dude? The game is over.

Not to sound like a total curmudgeon, and I'm all for "to each his own", but I've never understood the lure of watching sports that have already been played. And I'm not talking about watching the highlights on Sportscenter. I'm talking about people who watch full length sporting events, be it on ESPN Classics or their TiVo, after the game(s) have already been played. It's douchey.

And don't tell me its just the same as watching a movie you've already seen for the 2nd or 3rd or 10th time, because its not. Movies are make believe films, that have quotes and lines and scenes and hot chicks, that are different from the realm of sports, don't involve wagers with your bookie, and whose highlights can't be seen on Sportscenter.

Also, the anxiety that myself and others experienced yesterday, cannot and will never be replaced by watching a game whose outcome has already been determined. Which brings up an even doucheier aspect with regard to the sports fans who partake in this type of horseshit behavior.

"Umm..yeah, uhh...can you just not call or text me during the game? I plan on watching it later on TiVo."

What..?!? Honestly, folks. Does it get any doucheier, than a request like that one?

So the World Cup is on, or the final round of the US Open, or Game 7 of an NHL or NBA Final, whatever the case may be. And you're going to avoid your cell phone, your Internet, TVs, radio, cool chicks, conversations with others who aren't as douchey as you are, and who are in some fashion or another "watching" the very sport you are TiVo'ing- just so that the experience of watching the event that has already happened, isn't ruined for you???

I'll take Acting Like a Simpleton, for $200, Alex.

Listen here. The TiVo was a great invention, no doubt about. I actually have one myself. However, when it comes to TiVo'ing, mine is reserved for programs like Justified, Poker After Dark, Two and A Half Men, and Glee, uhhhh, I mean, umm, Deadliest Catch...whatever.

Point is, I don't TiVo sporting events so that I may watch them at a later time. And neither should any red blooded, sports loving American. End of story.

If you're someone who engages in this type of TiVo'ing behavior, and my hard line opinion on the matter offends you, then I'm sorry. I guess....
Also, make sure prior to your trip to Home Depot or your bike ride along the WO&D Trail this Saturday afternoon, that you have your TiVo programmed. Team USA plays at 2:30, you idiots.

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