Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Radio Gold: The Junkies Interview Ochocinco

The interview that everybody was talking about Wednesday morning, was the one the Junkies conducted with Chad Ochocinco, on

It started with a request by the Junkies to their listeners, to tweet the Dancing with The Stars wide receiver, asking him to call into their radio show. The subsequent interview, of a very charismatic and likeable Ochocinco, and then the brutal manner in which it "ended", made for a lasting, radio show moment, that won't soon be forgotten.

Even the bumbling, stumbling manner in which it began- which was with junior donk and assistant show producer Matt Valdez initially hanging up on Cinco- was a classic.

Apparently, the Bengal hating/Raven loving Valdez- who has been on an awful run as of late picking baseball games (thanks dude- I just signed my Prius over to my bookie), didn't believe it was Ochocinco at first, when Cinco first called in.

So when the Junkies came out of the break, they were killing Valdez for dropping the ball, and causing them to lose the potentially big interview. But no worries, Junks- which leads to another classic aspect to this story.

Not only did the power of Twitter create a situation in which a Cincinnati Bengal player, who was in Miami preparing for camp, responded to an onslaught of tweets from the listeners of a DC based sports talk show, but he responded twice!

After the Junkies berated the much chagrined Valdez, they asked their listeners to tweet Ochocinco again, asking him to call back. And wouldn't you know, #85 obliged their request.

The interview itself was very good. The Junks sounded like 12 year old school girls, who had stumbled across Justin Bieber's cell phone number, and Ochocinco was his usual open book self.

Among some of the things he said, were that he was "the GM and Owner" of the Bengals, "Cedric Benson will rush for 2,000 yards", and that "anything short of a SuperBowl (for the Bengals) will be disappointing." He also revealed that he had "problems" paying his Direct TV bill last year, but got that squared away with the lady over the phone.

The Junkies definitely weren't short of zingers on their end, either. They included Lurch telling Cinco that "Matt Jones will be on coke by Week 5.", Lurch busting Ochocinco's balls for his lack of production against Jets corner Darrelle Revis, and EB asking Cinco if he was "tagging Cheyl Burke", his Dancing with The Stars partner.

But the "best" zing of all, or should we say worst, was shot from a cannon being aimed by none other than Money Metal Cakes, who all but brought the upbeat interview to a screeching halt.

It happened towards the very end of the interview, after show producer Bret Oliverio(should shoulder some blame) allowed the segment to go longer than usual. The King of Ashburn, and Senior Stockholder of Bonefish Bar and Grille, then asked Cinco who his closest friend in Hollywood was. EB (who should also shoulder some blame for "setting the plate") immediately followed up Lurch's question, with "if you pulled out your phone right now, what's the biggest name on your phone?"

It was at this point that Cakes gave us the ultimate in radio show cringe moments. A "have to turn your head away from the screen" situation. A moment, whose "comfort" level, can only be equated to how one would feel after running into one of your wife's friends at the local grocery store, 3 weeks after she had a baby, and you ask her, "So when is the baby due?"

"Do you still have Chris Henry's number on your phone?", Cakes asked.

Crickets. Felted. Check, please.

To the reader who doesn't know, Mr. Henry was a teammate and friend of Cinco's, who died tragically last year, after falling out of the back of a moving truck.

The shocked, yet still locker room like reaction by the other Junks, coupled with Shock Jock Cakes' follow up comment, "I mean- I would delete it, for the extra room.", left even the appreciators of a good joke here at The Sportsyack, running for the hills.

All and all, Ochocinco handled it pretty well. There was a noticeable silence of sorts from him, as the Junkies continued with asking him questions about women he may have bedded. But as far as the rest of the interview went, it was over, Johnny.

On a serious note, this listener felt bad for both parties involved. Our boy Cakes, definitely meant no ill will, and most certainly got caught up in the moment of what essentially was a group of gregariousness- talking ball, talking girls, just shootin' the shit. And it wasn't nearly as insensitive as some of Cakes previous show zingers during celebrity interviews. ( He once asked Dale Earnhardt Jr. if he deleted the wall in Turn 4 at Daytona, from his "friends" list on his Facebook page, and another time Cakes challenged former MLB pitcher Jim Abbott to a juggling contest.)


As far as Ochocinco was concerned, who really came across as a good guy- I'm sure he just brushed it off, and moved on. In fact just moments later, he was posting goofy pics of himself on twitter, as he drove to practice. And lets face it, the dude puts himself out there, between reality TV shows, twitter, and any mic he can get himself in front of, and if he has to weather the occasional zing from sports talk radio guy, then so be it.

One thing that is for sure, is that the Junkies and Chad Ochocinco will be forever linked to what was a very compelling and entertaining interview, that ended up being nothing short of radio gold.

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Images courtesy of 1067 The Fan DC

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

No Roids, No Hitters, No Coincidence

I don't know how people can deny it now. The fact that one of the most dominant years of pitching in baseball comes on the heels of tougher steroid testing is not a coincidence.

In case you are living under a rock or you are just a dork, Matt Garza threw the 5th no hitter of the year last night. Five no hitters, and we haven't even played 2/3 of the season yet. Throw in two(should've been three) perfect games into that equation, and you have one of the greatest years of pitching in baseball history.

For those who think that this has nothing to do with the more stringent steroid testing, let me just throw out a few numbers.

Up until 1998, MLB had gone 37 years without a player hitting 60 home runs or more. In the years between 1998-2001, six players hit 60 home runs or more, with McGwire and Bonds both hitting 70 or more. Over the past two years, during the post syringe era, the AL home run leaders-Miguel Cabrera and Mark Teixeira, each failed to reach 40 home runs. The home run leaders in each league as of today, have not even reached 30 HR mark, and we're almost into August.

When guys like Brady Anderson hit 50 home runs in 1996, after putting up home run totals of 13, 12 and 16 in the three previous years, I'd say that there may have been a competitive imbalance favoring the hitter.

The arguments are already starting that the pitchers must be using some sort of PED and that is the reason behind all the no hitters. Maybe, but I would disagree. The last few years you have seen a wave of young pitchers entering baseball who are more polished at a younger age and who are dealing some filthy stuff.

You're seeing guys who can not only can bring it at 95+ mph consistently, but who can also command three or four other pitches, that they can throw for strikes anywhere in the count. Combine this with baseball cleaning up the sport, with the batters no longer being juiced, and the pitching was bound to get better.

Steroids and PEDs took over baseball from the mid 90's until the recent new drug testing was implemented. Baseball was trying to recover from the strike of 1994, so they turned a blind eye to the steroid use. Fans love the long ball and owners love asses in the seats, it's as simple as that.

If you really think that there is no coincidence between the batters now not being juiced, with the resurgence of dominant pitching, I think you're beyond naive.

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Images courtesy of Dick Shadd/St.Petersburg Times

Sunday, July 25, 2010

According to CBS, Some Fat Guy is Leading The Golf Tournament

I guess everyone at CBS calling the final round of the (I'm sure) lowly rated Canadian Open, are perfectly sculpted, flawless pieces of woman meat. Or maybe they're just not fond of fat guys who are leading PGA Tour events.

Twice on Sunday, two different commentators- within 15 minutes of each other, pulled out their drivers, and took shots at portly Swedish golfer, Carl Pettersson.

First it was one of our favorite guys, David Feherty, who weighed in on the chubby swede, as co-hosts Bill Macatee and Ian Baker-Finch were predicting the final 6 holes between Pettersson, Dean Wilson, and Tim Clark to be "like a sprint to the finish."

Irish quipster Feherty didn't miss a beat, as CBS cameras panned in on Pettersson standing in between shots. "Well, he certainly doesn't look like a guy who could win a sprint."

Just moments later it was Macatee, who again, on cue from a camera shot of Pettersson in between shots, made a comment about how Pettersson didn't look like someone contending for a victory on the PGA Tour, but more like "a guy who was competing at the World Series of Poker."

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© 2010

Monday, July 19, 2010

Get Off Tiger's Back

Tiger Woods' biggest mistake has nothing to do with infidelity, or going along with the facade that he and his camp had the world believing up until last Thanksgiving. His biggest mistake has been and continues to be, being so god damn good, and creating an expectation level that is second to none.

Yet twenty-five months after winning the US Open on a broken leg, nine months after the infamous car crash and ensuing train wreck that followed, and one month after (allegedly) cutting his ex-wife a $750 million check, Tiger Woods, according to some, is finished.

Chad Dukes(6,206 twitter followers as of this posting) and Lavar Arrington got into a heated discussion Monday on their afternoon drive show on The argument was about who might've damaged himself more in the eyes of the "sports fan"- Tiger or LeBron "Dwayne's Bitch" James.

Although many callers felt LeBron took the pussy way out, including our own Judge Patrick from Ashburn- who had Tiger basher Lavar spinning his wheels, as Lavar and many of the other callers spoke of Tiger as if he was yesterday's news.

Others to chime in, following the weekend's Open Championship, and get on the "Tiger is finished" soapbox, was SI Senior Golf Writer Alan Shipnuck, who took to twitter and proclaimed: "Its the end of an era...this is a new chapter in golf...his body is breaking down, and so has his putting. His life is a mess.." This was after he posted the following article by Joe Posnanski, which would lead one to believe that Tiger's role in the golf world from here forward, could be driving the tractor at your local driving range.

Whoa,whoa,whoa, folks.....

Lets all take a step back, and instead of everyone going to the knee jerk react card, just take a look at what Tiger has done in the majors, relative to the rest of the field, since he returned from his broken leg.

During the time that encompasses Tiger's earlier than his doctors advised return from the broken leg, and the 24/7 distraction that was Pussygate, Tiger has played in a total of 7 majors. Of the top 10 ranked golfers in the world, Tiger- although he didn't win any of those 7 majors, has the most Top 6 finishes(5)of any of those other players. His "line" since the '09 Masters reads T6,T6,MC,2nd,4th,T4,and 22nd this past weekend. Not bad, right? In light of whats gone on in his world?

And only two other Top 10 players (Mickelson and Westwood) even come close to being that consistent in the majors since Tiger's return- both of whom have 4 Top 6 finishes during those same 7 majors. And while many are talking about the "end of era" and that "Tiger is done", and wanting us to believe that he's on the verge of being lapped by the field, only 1 Top 10 player (Mickelson)won a major ('10 Masters) during that same period.

Call me delusional, or call me the proverbial rooter for the "down and out", but the people who are writing this guy off have got to be stoned out of their minds. If Tiger can play that well under those circumstances, what do you think he'll do when the dust does settle?

And yeah, I'll give some credence to the argument about "nobody can escape father time", but I just don't see how he doesn't win more majors. And enough of them to break Jack's record.

We're talking Tiger Woods, 14 majors in his first 11 years on tour. We're talking about Tiger Woods, the still #1 player in the world. We're talking about Tiger Woods, who up until Thanksgiving of last year, was the overwhelming favorite of the general (sports) public, to boat race Jack's record. We're talking about Tiger Woods- who after returning from a broken leg, then enduring one of the biggest shit storms as it pertains to their personal life by any athlete in the modern era, still had the highest accrued finishes in those majors, of any other golfer on tour, Top 10 or otherwise.

And this guy is done? Are you f**king kidding me?!?

In case you haven't figured it out, I'm on the side of the argument that Tiger is not done, and that he will win again, and that he will eventually have 19 or more majors. The dust is beginning to settle for him, and I think this upcoming offseason will do wonders for him.

You can expect the Scotty Cameron putter to remain in the bag. You can expect Tiger to hire a new swing coach. You can expect Tiger to regain control of his life, on and off the golf course. And you can expect him to start winning again. And soon.

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© 2010

Saturday, July 10, 2010

One Sick Puppy

Stephen Strasburg is pretty good.

Another masterful performance, that ironically started off with #37 yielding a 1st inning, 1st batter home run to Andres Torres, culminated in him then retiring 18 of the next 21, and fanning 8- which included Edgar Renteria's "get me the F out of here" at bat in the 3rd, in which Strasburg had Renteria jumping out of the box, and throwing the bat at the ball like a little girl.

We didn't get all caught up in the "should he or shouldn't he" be elected to the All Star Game, but if you take a look at his first 7 starts, there really could be a case made for him to go.

For starters, #37 could easily be 6-1 right now.

His first two starts, he just crushed it, ala Gary Vaynerchuk. 22 strikeouts, and just 6 hits and 3 runs allowed. Actually, what we meant to say, was that in his first four starts, he just crushed it, ala Gary Vaynerchuk.

How about this kid, after winning his first two starts, then got a no decision in his third, and then lost his fourth, even though he struck out another 19 batters, yielded just 2 runs, and amazingly still had his ERA drop, from where it was in his debut against Pittsburgh. (2.57 to 2.19 to 1.86 to 1.78)

Whats that, the woman on South Park says? Wha-wha-what!?!?!?

Even his fifth start in Atlanta, in which he got shelled- NOT, he pitched 6 scoreless innings, struck out 7, but had absolutely no run support, and even less support from Ian Desmond's glove.

He has struck out 61 batters through 7 starts, and other than his start in Cleveland and last night's game, has had no run support. He's already emulating a veteran pitcher, staying in the moment, not getting flustered, and keeping the ship on course. Last night was a perfect example of this, from the way the Giants "hit" him in the 1st, to how #37 more or less flipped the switch, and then made the Giants look like his beeotches the rest of the night.

Yeah, I'd say he's pretty good. Ditto, Mr. Schilling.

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© 2010

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Fuck The Decision: You Can Rely On The Old Man's Money

In wake of Tiger Woods' $750 million divorce settlement, PGA Tour nanny entered into the equation, in response to the "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question.

A new USA Today/Gallup poll showed that of 1,000 6-8 year old girls polled last week, 64% of them aspire to follow in Elin Woods footsteps. Ranking in at a close second,(27% of those polled) was Gloria Allred's assistant.

Wow, Tiger. Didn't you have a pre-nup? $750 million?? Thats a lot of money. Hopefully your former Facebook friend, Jesper Parnevik, got a referral fee.

Fuck ESPN and all their LeeBron coverage. All the speculating on where LeeBron is going has been embarrassing. Stephen A. Smith, Ric Buchner, Chris Broussard, even @Adam_Schefter- who has made a living throwing the shit against the wall with regard to NFL rumors, is in on it.

Wednesday morning on Twitter, "See if it sticks" Schefter tweeted the following: Rip the event and the man all you'd like, but Thursday 9 pm will be one of those "I remember where I was when I heard" sports moments.

No it won't, you dipshit.

ESPN and others are the enablers to LeeBron's disgustingly large ego. Speaking of which, @WhitlockJason even pointed out that the greatest ever, Michael "Hitler mustache" Jordan, never referred to himself as Air Jordan. It was a name his fans and the press gave him. LeeBron, on the other hand, refers to himself as The King. What a dick.

And tonight its ESPN's one hour special entitled "The Decision".

I hope during the middle of LeeBron and ESPN's "The Decision", LeeBron's mom walks out barefoot, pregnant, bowlegged, and with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, hand in hand with Delonte West, who is wearing a wife beater and drinking a 40.

Then I hope ESPN brute Shelly Smith walks out, stomping through the set and destroying everything in her path, ala Godzilla, and she eats LeeBron in one big bite-swallows him whole. And to conclude ESPN's travesty that is "The Decision", I then hope Smith straps on a dildo, and she sodomizes Michael Wilbon while Jon Berry looks on, pleasuring himself into Stuart Scott's melting eye.

Yeah, this is a little over the top, and I probably won't have my mom proof read this post, but its monkey see, monkey do, and ESPN has officially written the book on over the top with the LeeBron coverage.

Speaking of enablers, can hurry up, and get B.Mitch back into their studios? His defense, last week, of Michael Vick was exhilarating. B.Mitch's main point was that Vick should be able to attend birthday parties, and has the right to hang out in his old neighborhood.

I would agree with you B.Mitch, except for the fact that Vick is a convicted felon who basically pissed away over $100 million dollars because of his desire to hang out in his old neighborhood.

Kudos to @Holdenradio for holding his own, during the stupidity that was B.Mitch's argument, and to @WhitlockJason for basically breaking Vick's predicament down, that same week in his column.

Next week on The Fan, B.Mitch is going to defend Charles Manson's right to trip on acid while loitering in the Hollywood Hills. He'll then announce that he's starting a "still looking for the real killer" commission, as it pertains to the deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.

I received a text from one of my main homies- Dougyman, who told me that the Vikings are a 4.5 dog, in their Week 1 match up at New Orleans. If you feel sure about Favre's return, then you should get down on this game now.

Minnesota did lose to the Saints in the NFC Title game last January, but it was a game they really should've won. This was a week after they absolutely dismantled a pretty good Dallas Cowboy team.

A Favre return, coupled with a less hungry Saints club, makes for a nice healthy one to start the season. Since taking over the Vikings as head coach in 2006, Brad Childress is 3-1 in Week 1, and 4-0 ATS. Vikings+4.5

**The Yack was 8 games over .500 last year, including a 7-3 ATS record in the playoffs, and a straight up- underdog winner on the Saints in the Superbowl** #don'twaitonBrandonLang

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© 2010

Monday, July 5, 2010

Better Late Than Never: The Yack's Response to Glenn Clark

(A little over a week ago, some inbreed, radio/blogging Baltimoron named Glenn Clark, took issue with the fact that MASN filmed a commercial to promote the John Riggins Show, with John Riggins inside M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore. What started out with him expressing how "uncomfortable" he was watching that commercial, ended up being a 34 paragraph rant, about what Glenn Clark thinks about the "transient DC sports fan". The following is our response to the bitter Mr. Clark. Parental Discretion is Advised.)

Dear Glenn Clark,

You want to know what makes my stomach turn? The thought of me ever having to drive through, or spend one moment, in that dumpster fire of a city you call home. Baltimore is a filthy, disgusting place, filled with bitter pills like yourself, who can't seem to accept their role in life as being insignificant.

So we were the least bit surprised when we read your anti-DC/anti-John Riggins piece. Having lived in the Washington area our entire lives, we're well versed on the bitter Baltimore fan who has nothing better to do with their life, than bitch and moan about their neighbors to the south.(a.k.a. Mayflower Moving Truck Syndrome) The inferiority complex and jealousy that people like you from Baltimore feel towards the D.C. area, is notoriously pathetic.

The fact of the matter is that no one cares about what goes on in Baltimore and nobody ever will. People actually care about what goes in D.C., Glenn. We have places that people want to visit, and things that people want to see. We're what some people might call a "travel destination." Baltimore, on the other hand, is the type of city that people just simply drive by on I-95, while on their way to real cities like Washington, Philadelphia and New York.

Washington offers many historical sites, museums, and great restaurants. Baltimore offers smoke stacks and gonorrhea.

The bottom line is that Washington, D.C. is better than Baltimore on every level. However you want to compare the two, D.C. comes out on top.

The Redskins have 3 Super Bowl trophies and are one of the most tradition rich franchises in NFL history, while the Ravens have 1 title and wear purple. Our franchise is named after native indian warriors, yours is named after a poet.
We have the Bullets because we took them from you back in the day, because that's what happens to second rate cities; they get shit on. (Feel free to make the trip down in November to see Mr. Wall). We also have an NHL franchise and a guy named Alex Ovechkin. You have the Baltimore Skipjacks.

Lastly, the one thing that you did have over us all those years, we now have that too. And guess what Glenn? In just 5 years, despite horrible teams, the Nationals are now more relevant than your piece of shit Orioles.

Thank Peter Angelos, thank Jeffrey Maier, or thank Stephen Strasburg, but the Orioles are without a doubt the worst team in baseball, and couldn't be any more meaningless if they tried. The Nationals, on the other hand, have the greatest pitching phenom in the last generation, and just drafted arguably the greatest hitting prospect in a generation. How's Matt Wieters doing, by the way?

Listen Glenn, we can sympathize with the frustrations you feel over nobody caring about Baltimore. It must be awful, no matter what you do, to never get anyone to pay any attention to you. Its as if your city is the ugly adopted child that is desperately trying to get the attention of their parents, who are more focused on the successful, attractive child, who is actually going to turn out to be worth a fuck in life. But that is certainly no excuse to take those frustrations out on D.C.

I tell you what, Glenn. We will mind our own business down here with our high paying jobs and good looking women, and we'll focus our attention on our teams- all four of them. You can have the Ravens and O's, because believe me, WE WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM.

And if John Riggins wants to film a commercial at "The Bank" in front of all those purple seats in Baltimore, then he will. Because at the end of the day, he's from Washington, and what Washington wants to do, Washington will do. And there's just simply nothing you can do about it.

Not with regard,

Judge Patrick
Lucas Baxter
Billy Sword

p.s. Jimmy Buffett sucks.

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