Friday, October 29, 2010

NFL Week 8: Sportsyack Needs A Mental Evaluation

Jags at (Dallas -6.5)
Jerry Jones spent the week getting plastic surgery on his asshole. Yeah, that's right. Reports surfaced that he had his personal plastic surgeon tighten it up just a tad, to prevent Jones from shitting all over himself in the owner's suite, every time his team shit themselves on the field.

Jags are on the back end of a back-to-back roadie, and they've only covered 1 of their last 6 on the road. John Kitna will be solid following a full week of practice. No worries this week for the guy on Jones' payroll who follows Jones around carrying butt wipes; 27-10 Cowboys.

(Miami+1) at Cincy
Ochocinco and TO have a show on Versus that is a total disaster. These two simpletons sit on a set dressed up like doctors, as they comment on everything from the NFL to Kim Kardashian's attraction to black guys. This week they even dropped the "once you go black, you don't go back" line, when discussing rumors of her dating, errrrr, fucking the shit out of, white guy singer John Mayer.

James Gandolfini and the Dolphins are 5-0 ATS in their last 5 games on the road. Carson Palmer, the before mentioned Wideouts, and Marvin Lewis-all pretenders. 17-16 Fish.

Pittsburgh at (New Orleans-1)
Big Hair, Big Ass, and Big Truck Nation is in prime time this week. Woooooooo-hooooooo, baby, get some! Random thought: I wonder how many Steeler fans lost their virginity to one of their cousins, while wearing a Steeler jersey.

"Yeah, I remember it like it was yesterday, giggity-giggity. Me and Betty Sue done snuck off while the rest of the kin was singing 'Happy Birthday' to Uncle Billy. We broke into Aunt Thelma's trailer, and I done fucked her right there on the family room floor, where dem dogs used to rub their asses when they done got them worms. Yepper, I was wearing my Jack Lambert jersey, and when we finished, we used cousin Tommy's Terrible Towel to clean off Betty Sue's ass. It was great!"

Enough nonsense, people. Pittsburgh is due to lose, period (should've lost to Miami). On top of the fact that they're in the middle of a brutal 3 game road trip, with this less important, out of conference game squeezed in between at Miami (last week) and at Cincinnati (next Monday Night). Look for the defending Super Bowl champs to rebound from last week's home drubbing they took from our beloved Browns. Saints are 12-3 ATS the week after a SU loss. 20-16, Who Dat?

Finally, we're passing on (Tennessee+3.5) this week, simply because we're jinxed by this team. We love Jeff Fisher and crew, but whether we bet them, don't bet them, or bet against them, we somehow end up screwing ourselves. However...

For starters, a coaching contest between Jeff Fisher and Norv Turner is laughable. We are HUGE Fisher fans, and we've always thought, dating back to his regime in Washington, that Norv is an AWFUL head football coach. Secondly, this game features two unbelievable trends, polar opposites of each other, that pertain to this game's circumstance, both pointing to the Titans:

*Titans are 11-2 ATS in their last 13 games as an underdog of 3.5-10 points.

*Chargers are 2-8-1 ATS in their last 11 games as a favorite.

Last Week 1-3

Year To Date 12-10-1

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