Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Watching, Eating, Farting, Watching, Sleeping: In That Order (and winners)

Thanksgiving is pretty cool. Probably the coolest. And if you have any doubt about that statement, think of it like this:

(1)Its the one holiday of the year where you get to go to a relative's house without a bag full of shitty gifts that you've spent a small fortune on, and that nobody really wants in the first place.

(2)You get to park your fat ass in front of a TV that has nothing but football on it.

(3)You immediately begin drinking, while a huge meal is being prepared for you to eat. Your meal is scheduled to take place during halftime of the first game, so not to miss any plays that involve your wagers or fantasy points.

(4)Once you're done eating, you re-assume your spot on the couch where the drinking and watching resume, while you fall off into an L-tryptophan induced coma, occasionally ripping the complimentary (to the cook), stinky fart...

Yeah. Thanksgiving is cool.

New England at (Detroit +6.5)
The Pats are on a short week in which they travel, following two huge conference wins (at Pittsburgh, home last week vs. Indy). They will not cover here, and possibly might even lose this tilt.

Following two road losses (shocker, haven't won a road game since Oct. 2007), the Lions come back to the friendly confines of Ford Field. The Lions are 2-2 SU and 4-0 ATS in their own backyard this year. They've also covered 6 straight versus teams with winning records.

We've been preaching all year that New England is not a serious contender. They have problems on the defensive side of the ball, and this non conference game reeks of a "day off" for Belichick's boys, following those two huge wins. Lions pull the Turkey Day upset, 27-23.

New Orleans at (Dallas +3.5)
Some guy on 1st and 10, a show that I think features Barbaro and that douchey looking pretty boy who we'd like to punch in the face(not Skip Bayless, but we'd probably punch him too), claimed that not only did the Cowboy players mail it in under Bum's son's watch, but so did Offensive Coordinator turned head coach, Jason Garrett.

The Aints ain't that impressive to us. Their Super Bowl hangover season has featured home losses to Atlanta and Cleveland, a road loss to Arizona, and a squeeker of a victory against awful Carolina. Their only real impressive win was against Pittsburgh, who they were catching in the middle of a 3 game roadie.

Listen folks, the Dickboys are playing for their jobs these last two months of the season. Jason Garrett, who apparently would have to skull fuck Jerry Jones' plastic surgeon to not to get the full time HC job, technically is still auditioning for a job. Reports indicate a higher level of discipline and accountability has been implemented since Garrett took over, and Dallas has responded on the field.

In the last 6 games in which these two teams have met, the underdog is 6-0 ATS. Dallas has scored 68 points in their two games under Garrett. Expect a lot of praise for the Cowboys from Troy Aikman and his partner, Joe Buck........... we mean "TV" partner, you dipshits. We would never imply that Troy Aikman and Joe Buck are lovers. Dallas wins 34-27.

Cincy at (NY Jets-9)
Last week during the Bears/Dolphins game, Ochocinco was tweeting about his admiration for Jay Cutler. Nobody seemed to pick up on it and report it as a jab towards his own QB Carson Palmer, but it sure seemed that way to us. This past week, Ochocinco spent his time on twitter promoting some video game, and giving shout outs to the Jonas Brothers. (seriously) Hard to believe his team is 2-8.

The Jets have the identically opposite record of the Bungholes, and nobody is calling into question their sophomore QB's abilities. Following a 9-0 home loss to Green Bay three weeks ago, Sanchez has prevailed down the stretch in overtime wins versus Detroit and Cleveland, and then last week's last second win over Houston.

The Jets are tied with the Patriots for the best record in the AFC, but the Jets own the head to head match up, as well as the best divisional and conference record, and they need to keep winning to ensure a possible home field advantage situation.

Cincy has nothing. They have to still be reeling from last week's meltdown against Buffalo. This game goes something like 24-9 or 27-10, Jets.

In closing, if you plan on camping out Thanksgiving night so that you may be the first one in line for Black Friday when your favorite store's doors open, you're an idiot, and I request that you stop reading these blogs immediately. You don't belong here.

Speaking of which, my favorite part of Black Friday is waiting for the inevitable videotape to roll in from some Walmart in Kansas or Illinois or some other shithole state I don't live in, in which a group of shoppers trample another group of shoppers, in their attempt to take advantage of the sale.

Which brings this blog full circle, and why The Sportsyack loves Thanksgiving so much. Because its the last non-hectic, non-commercialized day of the year, before we're bombarded with assholes on TV telling us what to buy, and requests of our significant others to put up the fucking tree.

Anyway, that's our take on it all. Enjoy your turkey and football. I’m off to ruin the secret of Santa for a bunch of 3rd graders. Cheers!

Last Week 4-0 ATS

YTD 23-15-1 ATS

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