Saturday, December 25, 2010

NFL Week 16: Winners For a Snowy Sunday Afternoon

Congratulations to all the gamblers out there who have followed this blog all season, and more importantly, have consistently bet our NFL point spread picks. Coming off an impressive 3-0 weekend last Sunday, which included two underdog selections who won out right, The Sportsyack is a sizzling 34-21-3 ATS for the season!

The only thing hotter than our picks right now, is Rex Ryan sitting in a podiatrist's office waiting room with his wife's big toe shoved up his ass, as he pleasures himself to Foot Fetish Monthly.

God, that's disgusting. Sorry.

Anyway, with two weeks of regular season ball to go, and a month of playoff action on the horizon, we're certainly not going to rest on our laurels now. We have taken down our Christmas tree, returned all the stupid fucking gifts we didn't want in the first place, and we've handicapped an eggnog hangover's worth of winners for you. Are you ready for some football?!?!?!

New England at (Buffalo+9)
We know everyone is back in love with the Pats, and this is probably not a popular pick. But we're not sold on New England's 28th ranked defense, nor do we like how the Pats kept the Bills around in the 1st meeting between these two, back in September.

Expect a letdown here from the Pats. Two straight weeks of swinging their dick around, and showing NFC opponents Green Bay and Chicago how Brady and Belichick play football, this game has upset potential written all over it.

We like what the Bills have done over the last month and a half. They've won 2 in a row, 4 of 6, and it should read 5 of their last 6, be it not for Steve Johnson's TD drop against Pittsburgh. The Bills are 7-1-1 ATS in their last 9 games, and have covered 4 straight at home. We like the points, and would even consider a ML bet. Buffalo

Washington/Jacksonville (Over 46)
The number one reason we like the over here, is because the total seems unusually high to us, as if Vegas is begging you to play the under. In fact, the Redskins have not been in a contest all year, in which Vegas' Over/Under Total was this high. On the flip side, this will be the Jags 3rd total of 46 or higher this season, and 7 of their last 8 contests have gone Over the Vegas total.

We expect the Redskins defense to be its usual self, which means yielding lots of yards. We also expect the Redskins new look, Rex Grossman (teacher's pet) led offense, to do its best to keep up. The Jags defense is no great shakes either, ranked 26th in the league. So in honor of each team's defense, we predict the final score to be Jags 32, Skins 26. Over 46

Houston at (Denver +2.5)
The Texans have lost 3 in a row, and 7 of their last 8. The Broncos have lost 5 in a row, and 9 of their last 10. Why would we play this game, between two teams heading in the wrong direction? Tangibles, baby, tangibles.

(1)Tim Tebow, rookie Quarterback (2)Denver playing with an interim coach who is playing without a care (3)The under performing Texans, playing for a coach whose on his way out. These 3 tangibles, baby, are a recipe for disaster if you're Texans fan.

Colin Cowherd spent the week bashing Tim Tebow, which is what he does best, when not bashing John Wall, which is what he does best when not kissing LeBron's ass, which is what he does best when not talking in that odd, dramatic voice, as he tells you "we told you so". (@JudgePatrick does a sick Cowherd impression, btw)

Christ was born 2010 years and 1 day ago. Tim Tebow just turned 23 in August. We're not sure that he's going to die for our sins, but we have more faith in his abilities than Michelle Beadle's sidekick does. 26-20 Broncos

Last Week 3-0 ATS

YTD 34-21-3 ATS

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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Enough of the McBadd Pity Party

As far as we're concerned, the dust has settled on the Donovan McBadd benching. The reaction by most of the media in DC was absurd. If we take Mike Shanahan on his word (oxymoron, we know)- that he wants to see what he's got moving forward, then whats the big deal? The Redskins were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs with their loss to the Bucs the week before, and besides, McBadd has had an awful season.

His numbers read: 77.1 passer rating, 14 TDs, 15 INTs. Don't look now Jason Campbell haters (which by the way, disclaimer, included ourselves), but JC is beating McBadd statistically this year in Oakland, and pretty much did last year here in DC (compared to what D-Mac is doing this year), with essentially the same team McBadd is working with this season.

As disrespected as McBadd claims he felt for being benched, with the numbers he's put up this year, Redskin fans and Dan Snyder should fire a "right back at ya, Donny."

Counting the $3.5 million bonus McBadd will get paid as part of his contract extension, if he gets cut during the off season, the Redskins will have paid this "disrespected" former Eagle who has played like total dogshit all year, $14.7 million.

Wow. That's some serious disrespecting. Can we get some? In fact, we'll let you sodomize us and run over our dog for that kind of cash.

Admittedly, McBadd doesn't have the greatest cast of characters around him, which is why DC fan needs to recognize that the Redskins are still a work in progress. We don't expect the Redskins to go the the Super Bowl next year, nor do we expect Rex Grossman to be the future of the team, but we must say- just doing the one game sniff test, that Grossman did seem to be more crisp and we're not sure how that point can be argued.

For starters, Grossman was not the reason the Redskins lost to Dallas. His first pick was awful, no doubt about it, but his fumble was partly to blame on a pass protection breakdown, and the last INT was a throw he HAD to make, given the game situation.

Instead of brushing aside Grossman's 4 TD performance and saying, "yeah but he had 3 turnovers and that's why they lost.", take a moment to look at the horrendous play (again) of the special teams.

Sandwiched around Grossman's admittedly awful 1st Quarter INT, were two special teams treats from Bazooka Joe's unit. After stalling out on their first drive, Washington punted from their own 19, but gave up a return back to their own 30. That's a net 11 yard punt for all you math wizards at home. On their third drive of the game, Washington was forced to punt from their own 19 again, and this time gave up a return back to their own 35. That's a net 16 yard punt.

As a result of these two "special" punts and Rex's INT, 26 of Dallas' first 27 offensive plays came in Washington territory. When you combine how sad that is, with how amazing it is, you have one amazingly sad stat that sends us running to the top of the Woodrow Wilson Bridge with our jumping shoes on.

26 out of Dallas' first 27 plays were run in Washington territory!?! Are you fucking kidding me?!? It's a miracle that the Redskins weren't down by 28 or more by halftime.

It's too bad Danny Smith can't coach as well as he chews gum. His special teams are more like Special Olympics, and they don't belong on an NFL field. His shortcomings have been masked quite nicely by the great season Brandon Banks has had. The only people who will miss him next year, when Shanahan (hopefully) sends him packing, are the King of Ashburn, and the bartenders at the Bonefish Grill.

But as far as McBadd is concerned, just shut up already. Radio guy, bleeding heart guy, Redskin kool aid drinker fanboy guy, who thought the Redskins were going to the playoffs this year, enough already! This former Eagle, for whom you get on radio and TV and cry in his defense for, like a bunch of whiny fucking pussies, is just another in the long list of over the hill, over paid free agents, who came to town, got paid, and then didn't deliver on the field.

Adam Archuleta, Fat Albert, Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith, Jason Taylor, Brandon Lloyd, Mark Carrier, Jeff George, TJ Duckett, Trung Candidate, Jeremiah I missing any???..oh yeah, Donovan McBadd.

And in light of the 77 passer rating, the almost $15 million he'll be leaving town with, and now recently- the "poor, poor, pitiful me" comments and angling for sympathy statement, that McBadd's agent released to the public a few days ago, Redskin fans need to realize that this guy is gone, he's not your friend, and bitching about the Shanahans is not going to do you any good.

The short term future is going to involve Mike Shanahan, and the way he does things. I don't care if he's not a media darling, I don't care if "the locker room is pissed" because of the benching- Fuck'em. A third of those guys will be lucky to be on the roster next year anyway.

The culture and attitude has needed a change for the better in Ashburn, for quite sometime now. And if you enablers want to take sides with a fat, out of shape, American Tap Room regular drunkard, or an 11 year 'traded within the division' veteran Quarterback, who spent 13 games under performing, ranked 26th out of 32 league Quarterbacks, well then go ahead.

Like Mike, we're moving on.

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Sunday, December 19, 2010

NFL Week 15: A Stocking Full of Winners

Good times! Yours truly went 1-3-1 ATS last weekend, the Caps keep losing, more turmoil in Ashburn, the Fridge is shown his wobbling papers, and the Wizards had the Heat on the ropes last night, but shit the bed down the stretch. Good times!

Like Tom Cruise's character said in The Color of Money, "It's like a nightmare, isn't it? It just keeps getting worse and worse."

Hang in there, DC fan. Things will get better, I promise.(promise is greek for hope) And to start off this Christmas week, I've put together a plethora of Week 15 NFL winners. So gather around the tree, pour yourself a glass of egg nog, and then turn on the TV during what is supposed to be family time. Are you ready for some football?!?!

(Buffalo+5) at Miami
The Dolphins and Tony Soprano are a tough team to figure. They're a 7-6 team in which 6 of their 7 wins have come on the road. In fact, their 6-1 road record is tops in the NFL, tied only with Pittsburgh. Their home record is so abysmal, Dolphin ownership has lobbied the NFL to allow them to play all 16 of their games next year on the road.

The Bills have been competitive in almost every game they've played since about mid October. During that span they've gone 3-5, but have covered 7 of those 8 games. We know this, because we're degenerate gamblers, and this information is important to us.

The Dolphins are scoring 14 points on average, in the friendly confines of Sun Life Stadium (what a gay name for a football venue). The Bills have covered 5 straight versus AFC opponents. This game goes something like 20-17, or 14-10. Bills.

New Orleans/Baltimore (OVER 43.5)
We like points here. For starters, Baltimore's defense hasn't been killer, since Ray Lewis was running around in an orange jumpsuit, lying to Atlanta's finest about who stabbed who. Their 14th ranked pass defense is not going to make Drew Brees and the Saints blink. Coming into this contest, the Saints have scored 30 points or more, in 5 straight games.

On the other side of the ball, the Saints defense is not too shabby, but outside of the 72 degree temperatures of the Superdome, they've gotten a little complacent as of late. (Yielding 27 points, almost 400 total yards, and losing the time of possession battle to Dallas, 35-25. And against Cincy, 30 points and losing time of possession 33-27). This game will feature a lot of shotgun formations, and weather will not be a factor.OVER 43.5

(NY Jets+4) at Pittsburgh
The New York football Jets are a wounded animal. They got their balls beat in on national TV two weeks ago, only to follow that up during "Tripgate", in a loss to the before mentioned Miami Dolphins.

Big Hair, Big Ass, and Big Truck Nation has long ago forgotten about what an asshole their quarterback is. To his credit, Big Dumb Ben is walking wounded. The dude has been playing through the pain of a broken nose and a sprained ankle, and although he may not be smart enough to understand the concept of "no means no", he and the Steelers have toughened out 4 straight wins.

The Jets need to stop the bleeding. Rex Ryan may have yielded to Bruce Boudreau, when it comes to worse potty mouth on an HBO sports reality show, but he won't yield to a Steeler team whose pulled a couple rabbits out of their hats (@Buff,@Balt) in the last few weeks.

The Jets have covered 6 straight in games played on natural grass. On the flip side, the Steelers have loss 4 straight ATS, in games following a SU win of 14 points or more (God, we're losers for knowing that). We like the Jets to win, but love getting the points even more. 23-22 Jets.

Last Week 1-3-1 ATS

YTD 31-21-3 ATS

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Firing Boudreau is Not The Answer

As lifelong Washingtonians, and homers when it comes to the local sports teams, the stupidity and impatience of many DC area sports fans is befuddling. We're not sure if its the culture created by the midget owner in Ashburn, or the entitlement attitudes of many in the DMV or both, but whatever it is, it's extremely toxic.

The idea to fire Caps Coach Bruce Boudreau right now is absurd. Although he's failed to get the Caps to the promised land in the short 2.5 seasons he's been here, his regular season record is staggering good, and unlike the before mentioned Snyder, Ted Leonisis doesn't run his team like a stratamatic wet dream. We don't expect him to (on a whim) hire "the ole puck coach" to come in and "coach up" Ovi.

Do any of the people questioning Boudreau's job security remember how dreadful the state of this franchise was prior to his arrival? He's not the sole reason for the Caps turnaround, certainly players like Ovechkin, Backstrom, and Semin help, but his numbers as a head coach are historically good in most categories.

Boudreau took over for Glen Hanlon, 22 games into the '07-'08 campaign. At the time, the Capitals were 6-14-1. Boudreau turned the team around, compiling a 37-17-7 record, and leading the Caps to their first playoff appearance in 5 years, and their first division title in 7. In his two full seasons since, Boudreau's 104 regular season wins is tops in the NHL, tied only with San Jose's Todd McLellan. The Caps worst place finish in their division since Boudreau's arrival is 1st, which ironically, is where they currently stand.

Prior to replacing Hanlon, Boudreau coached the Caps farm club, the Hershey Bears. In his two seasons there, all he did was lead them to back to back Calder Cup Finals, winning the Cup in '06.

Although his lack of playoff success has been dissected ad nauseum, the drive by fans doing the dissecting need to understand that you cannot judge an NHL coach's playoff success or lack of, the same way you might judge an NFL coach's playoff record. Besides the fact that the guy is only in his 3rd full season.

The NHL playoff system can be very fickle. 16 teams make the playoffs, and a lot of the times the best overall team(s) don't always prevail. You need to look no further than last spring to illustrate how unpredictable the NHL Playoffs can be. The Eastern Conference Finals featured the #7 seed Flyers vs. the #8 seed Canadians.

And unlike the NFL, the team with the best record doesn't get a first round bye, nor do they only have to win 2 games (in their own backyard, no less) to get a ticket to the Finals. They have to win three 7 game series, before they can even compete in the Cup Finals.

4 years ago, the Caps were a last place team that barely registered a blip on the local sports radar screen. Today they are a perennial division winner with expectations of Stanley Cup or bust, and they're the only successful sports franchise in town. Bruce Boudreau is a big reason for that turnaround.

Last year's first round playoff exit was very disappointing, and if they meet the same fate this year, well then the calls for his job may be more justified. But until then, people need to calm the fuck down (to quote BB from last night's "24/7"), and realize how bad of shape this team was in before Gabby got behind the bench. A 7 game losing streak in December, is a hell of a lot better than a 4 game losing streak in April.

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Bruce Boudreau pic courtesy of Teka England via Flickr

Sunday, December 12, 2010

NFL Week 14: Loads, Cream Rising, Katy Perry, and Winners.

Tampa Bay at (Washington+1)
The Redskins Peter Northed Albert Haynesworth this week. Although he hasn't been officially released or traded, getting rid of that huge load will do wonders for their locker room, and we're sure sideline rat will do what he can to prove that point.

Although the Bucs record may indicate that they're a winner, we feel both teams are about equally shitty. The Bucs haven't beaten a team with a winning record, and are currently on a two game slide. The Redskins have shown spurts of ability, but ultimately are the 5-7 team that their record reflects, and they too are riding a two game losing streak.

We do like the Skins here as a slight dog, in what is supposed to be a cold, wet day at Fucked Ex Field. Trust us when we tell you, that Team Shanahan will try to throw the ball down field, as part of their new look, Albert Haynesworth-less offense. The result will be points, and turnovers. Look for a combination of at least two defensive and/or special teams scores here, and include the Over 40.5 when playing this game. 27-20 Redskins.

(Green Bay -6.5) at Detroit
Last time these two teams met, the Pack had a two touchdown lead twice, and twice almost blew that lead, eventually holding on to win 28-26. In today's game, with the Pack a game behind da Bears (who get the Patriots today in a blizzard), and needing to probably win out to win the division, it will be Dandy Don's "turn out the lights, the party's over" for the Lions.

Its been 11 games since the Lions beat the Pack. And in the ten losses since, the Pack have won those games by an average of 13.3 points. The Aaron Rodgers/Mike McCarthy combo has covered 5 straight in December. They've also covered 4 straight coming in, and if not for last minute Matt Ryan heroics, would be riding a 6 game winning streak.

The cream rises to the top come playoff season. Do yourself a favor, and load up on this one. Packers.

Atlanta at (Carolina+7.5)
Just prior to giving out the Raiders last week, in what ended up being a Charger ass thumping of epic proportions, we told you that the NFL is a strange, befuddling entity. And trust us when we tell you, this is a game that will make bookies across the country, wet dream like happy.

The Falcons have become everyone's NFC pick to represent in Big D come February. But they do play more close to the vest games once they're out of their domed element, and we don't like them laying 7 and a hook, on the back end of consecutive roadies.

The Panthers are awful, no doubt. And we're not even going to try and make a case for a 1-11 team who is playing most likely the NFC Super Bowl representative. But this point spread reeks of suckerdom, which tells us that Falcon buyers beware. Panthers.

Philadelphia at (Dallas+3.5)
This trend of ours to play against Philly is not just because we hate Mike Vick, but because they're not that great a team, and will be early exiters come January. Take that to the bank.

The Cowboys have responded well to the guy who looks cool when he throws the challenge flag onto the field. In fact, if not for Roy Williams getting stripped like a Beamer parked in Southeast DC, the douchebags with stars on their helmets would be undefeated under their new leader.

Listen folks, Mike Vick lit up a not so great Redskin team on a national stage, and then all the assholes at ESPN (and most of the mainstream media) wanted to hand him the key to Bristol. Mike Greenberg practically sodomized Vick on air last week, when passionately defending his right to play after doing time for drowning and electrocuting dogs.

The Boys own Philly. They've won 3 straight against them, and 4 of the last 5. Ride the wave of Garrett's undefeated ATS record. Dallas wins outright.

Last Week 3-1 ATS

YTD 30-18-2 ATS

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Friday, December 3, 2010

NFL Week 13: Ruff, Ruff

A week that included having to beat off into a Dixie Cup and finding out that our dog might be felted, ended with our own Judge Patrick taking a tumble from a ladder, while performing duties- huh-huh, on a job site. Awesome. I can't wait until next week, when I zip up my balls after taking a leak at my company Christmas Party. Sweeeeeeeet. Let's go!

New Orleans at (Cincy +7)
Why do we like the Bungholes? Marvin Lewis runs a loose ship, we think Carson Palmer sucks and he hasn't been the same since his knee injury, and Ochocinco is old and awful. Not to mention Cincy has dropped 8 straight.

Answer: We hate New Orleans, they've had the Super Bowl hangover all year, they're going to be playing outside of the Dome, and in the elements of cold Cincinnati, Ohio, and they've only covered 1 of their last 8, versus teams with losing records. Consider the money line here as well. Bengals

(Pittsburgh+3) at Baltimore
The Ravens scored in the final minute of play the last time these two teams met, and it was the difference in the Ravens 17-14 victory at Heinz Field. Speaking of difference, these two teams have played 3 straight 3 point games, and 5 of their last 6 meetings have resulted in margins of 4 points or less.

We expect a hard fought AFC North battle, with not a lot of scoring. We're rolling the dice a bit with Big Ben's foot in a boot, and the Steelers playing their 2nd consecutive roadie, but Baltimore doesn't beat Pittsburgh twice in one season. Lock up all your sorority sisters; Big Ben's Little Ben is in the house. 14-13, Steelers.

(Washington+7) at NY Giants
The Redskins might not be that great, but the Giants suck. We've been telling you this all year. Their defense is awful, Eli Manning sucks and is overpaid, and that new stadium is stupid and ugly. Also, Tom Coughlin always looks like he's constipated, and the red color his face gets, is actually one of the colors in Crayola's box of 64.

Expect the Redskins game plan to include a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. What the fuck the this and that are is still a mystery, but its going to work this weekend. 3 of their 5 wins this year are on the road, and they've covered 6 of their last 8 roadies. Shanny will be walking the sideline wondering, "Who moved my cheese?", only to find it by the end of the 4th quarter, in a 19-14 victory. Redskins

(Oakland+13) at San Diego
Yeah, we've heard, the Chargers are great in December. Unlike his face, Norv's record in December is blemish less, dating back like 70 years. But we'll take our chances on an upstart Raider team getting over two touchdowns, against a team they beat earlier this year, when they put up a 35 spot in early October.

The Raiders have lost two in a row. I know this not because I checked the box scores from the last two weeks of NFL games, but because I just ran into Tom Cable's wife at the Ashburn Starbucks, and she had two black eyes and was walking with a limp.

In all seriousness, we love this game. Catching the Chargers laying a huge number, following a huge national TV win at Indy, against a Raiders team who has pretty much gotten their doors blown off two weeks in a row. The NFL is a funny, unpredictable thing, people. Raiders

Last Week 4-2-1

YTD 27-17-2 ATS

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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Good Week, Bad Week

Our prognosticating skills
have reached a fever pitch. We went 2-1 ATS on Thanksgiving, and 2-1-1 the following Sunday, to bring our season long record for NFL games, to 27-17-2 ATS. We would challenge any sports handicapper, who actually documents his picks, to show us a winning record equal to at least 10 games over .500, this late into the season. How does our ass taste, Brandon?

Our winning ways have been offset
by what has been quite the fucked up week. Yours truly, who has been attempting to make child with my significant other, had to drive over to Reston on Monday and drop off a sample to be evaluated. Good times...

Nothing beats walking into an infertility clinic, and being greeted by the 5 women standing behind the counter, who know you've just walked in to rub one off. The chagrin I felt was wiped away by the shock on all of their faces, when I pulled out a dozen roses for my date.

"So where is my Dixie Cup?... Where is she?", I asked.

OK, so I didn't really bring roses, nor did I ask where my date was, but I probably should've of. Upon signing in, I took a seat in the lobby, and waited for a room to become available.

So they call your name, and this woman leads you back to this room. The room is about 10 feet by 10 feet, its cold, with tiled floors with no bed or couch, and its not exactly the ideal place to be Hammering your Hank. They equip the room with a TV and some DVDs, which is a feeble attempt to get one in the mood. By the time the door is shut, and you're by yourself in that room, next to rooms that "house" other dipshits who are pounding their puds, the mood is about as romantic as a prison rape.

So there I was, kneeling on the tiled floor, with my jeans around my ankles, my junk in one hand, and the Dixie Cup in the other, looking at the DVD cover of some pig in lingerie. What a fucking debacle.

You would think that for the $325 I just spent to kneel on a cold floor and dump a line of rope into a 2" circumferenced Dixie Cup, couldn't they send in one of those house frows to at least stick a tongue up my ass while doing so?? And I tell you what. The little bastard that comes out of all of this, better grow up to cure cancer or something. Or at least handicap me some football winners, when I'm old and decrepit.

And if Monday wasn't a total mess,
Tuesday was a once in a lifetime, never again experience; teeth whitening. And contrary to some of the razzing I took from friends, no, I don't suck cock part time. My bride actually lined this one up as well, via Groupon.

Teeth whitening, in summary, is an hour and a half of someone putting cotton swabs and a mouth guard into and onto your mouth, and peroxide on your teeth. The peroxide eventually seeps into your gums, and it's as comforting as nails on a chalkboard. Its comparable to drinking a hot bowel of soup, and then immediately being forced to bury your teeth into a block of ice.

My only saving grace was the poker I was playing on my phone during each of the 3 stages. To sum it up, the teeth whitening experience is a good incentive to drink less coffee and red wine, and to brush your teeth as often as humanly possible.

Things happen in threes,
and certainly last but not least, we found out on Wednesday that our almost 6 year old Boxer has cancer. As anyone who knows the breed, this should not come as much of a surprise, but it sucks major donkey dicks, nonetheless.

The tumor was discovered on her front left paw, and pending a second opinion, its supposed to be a soft cell, slow growing Sarcoma. Our options are pretty much to do nothing, surgery with treatments, or amputate her leg.

The first vet is concerned about not being able to 'get all the margins' of the tumor, and they think it will eventually spread. The "fine" folks at TLC in Leesburg, who are equipped with the state of the art lobby, with ceramic tile floor straight out of the Caesars Palace in Vegas, wanted almost $10,000 to perform surgery, and then put her on chemo/radiation treatments.

The dog is pretty much 6. She's a breed that is lucky to make it to 8 or 9, and you want us to fill her up with radiation and chemical so that she can be fucking miserable the remaining 2 or 3 years of her life, when she'll probably develop cancer somewhere else anyway? Go fuck yourself.

The other option, amputating her leg, doesn't make sense to us either. Again, it comes down to logistics, and making the dog as stress free as possible. The tumor on her leg is not bothering her, as she appears to have no discomfort. If we cut her leg off, and force her to be physically stressed for the last years of her life, that could do more damage than it does good. The only cool part we'd be missing out on, is bringing the amputated leg home, and allowing our other dog to use it as a chew toy.

Just kidding. (Going for a light moment)

We're hoping this second opinion will be the determining factor. If this vet, who came on high recommendation from a friend, thinks they can remove most of the tumor without affecting the quality of life of the dog, then we're probably going to attempt that. If they can't, we'll just hope(and so will she) that it is the slow/passive cancer that the lab result says it is, and that our beloved Boxer can live out the last year(s) of her life in peace, with all four limbs and without being all drugged up.

In closing, we'd like to say that regardless of the slobbering love affair the sports media currently has with Michael Vick and his resurgence, he's still a piece of fucking shit in our eyes. Fuck you, Mike.

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Rich Turpin's Very Super Forecast: The 2017 Washington Redskins

By. Rich Turpin Week 1, Philadelphia "Let me fleece Mr. Snyder first, and then I'll see you in 2018!" The Redskins op...