Monday, February 28, 2011

Time to Flip the Switch, Boys

19 regular season games left for the Caps, and I still don't know what to make of this team. Just when you think they are about to turn the corner, they drop a performance on you like they did Friday night, with a 6-0 defeat at the hands of the Rangers. The Caps 3rd straight loss at Verizon, 4th out of their last 5 at the Phone Booth, getting outscored 15-6 during that span.

Then on Saturday, a gutsy come from behind win against the Islanders, spurred on (yet again) by (team MVP???) Matt Hendricks. For the second time in 3 weeks (at Tampa, Feb. 4th), when the Caps were on the road and playing total lack luster, horseshit hockey, #26 dropped the gloves when his team needed a spark, and in both instances, the Caps came from behind, and went on to win the game.

As a whole, the Caps problem continues to be the inability to put the puck in the net. They rank 22nd in total scoring, and an abysmal 25th on the power play. Try this on for size-> The Great Eight hasn't scored a power play goal at home all season!


Scoring is a common denominator as it pertains to winning Lord Stanley's Cup. And for Caps fans like ourselves, who hope they will just (very soon)flip the switch, you might want to turn away from your computer monitor for this next nugget.

The last 5 Stanley Cup Champions- Chicago, Pittsburgh, Detroit, Anaheim, and Carolina, all finished well within the Top 10 for regular season scoring. Chicago, Detroit, and Carolina were all 3rd in regular season scoring during the seasons in which they each won their respective Cup, with Anaheim having the lowest regular season scoring average (8th), of the last 5 Champions.

That's not good, Caps fans. But lets not dwell on the numbers. (that's Greek for 'fan in denial')

Keys for the Caps moving forward:

Settle on a goaltender. It's great to have two young goaltenders that you feel can be your #1, but come playoff time, it's got to be a one man show. It would be nice to settle on that guy now, so he can roll right into the playoffs. Right now, it appears Neuvirth is that guy.

Trade for a second line center by 3 pm today. Mathieu Perreault has already been sent back down to Hershey and Marcus Johansson is probably another year away from really being ready to fill this role. Johansson is going to be a very good player, and I would not even be thinking about trading him, but improving at this position would benefit this team in the postseason.

GET HEALTHY! It's imperative that the Caps get guys like Mike Green, Backstrom, and Varlamov healthy as we head into the playoffs. Green, for all his shortcomings, does bring an element to this team that they can't replace. Backstrom seemed to dodge a bullet the other night with his thumb injury, but he has not been taking faceoffs since.

Last but not least, put the puck in the net. And do so more frequently then they have thru the first 3/4 of the regular season.

Follow on twitter@sportsyack.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Coming in a close second, only to the on hiatus Charlie Sheen reality show that is Two and a Half Men, for the honor of being Sportsyack's favorite show, is Daniel Tosh's Tosh.o.

A variety show of sorts, where the comedian stands in front of a screen that plays you tube videos that idiots from the all around the world wide web have uploaded, the dude is a quick witted, edgy, funny fother mucker.

Check it out tonight at 10pm on Comedy Central, after the Caps beat the Islanders.

Follow on twitter@sportsyack

Monday, February 7, 2011

Sportsyack's NFL Post Season Prognosticating: In Summary

In just over a month, we managed to piss away a fantastic 35-25-3 ATS regular season record. Going 2-10 ATS in the post season is fucking dreadful. Any Tom, Dick, or Charlie, could go on a 36 hour coke and hooker bender, throw darts at a wall full of NFL team logos, and wind up with a better record than this dogshit.

Sportsyack is ashamed, embarrassed, broke- use any adjective that summons thoughts of loserville, and that's where we are. And on The Gipper's 100th birthday, we couldn't even go out there and win one. We suck.

Does anybody have a couch? Some Ramen noodles? A cup of pride I can drink?

Feel free to read the e-mail I received (as it was written) from the Legend in Vegas. I've posted it below the pooping dog. Have a great day.

dear michelle;

the ''legend'' is sure that the infamous ''sportsyach'' is thankfull that the football season and especially the playoffs are mercifully over. at least look at the bright side, you sir will not have to make a fucking ''FOOL'' of yourself until next sept if indeed there is a football season. if i was the ''yach'' i would pray for a lockout and possibly no season, as it will take the yach that long for your wounds to heal. no need to beat a dead horse . but i will anyway as the yach deserves it. your picking in the playoffs were, in sexual tereminology, can be termed impotent or just plain fucking limp. just be carefull as the way things are going for ya if you went skydiving your parachute would not open. take care and have a nice day.....

best to you always

the ''legend''

Follow on twitter@sportsyack

Friday, February 4, 2011

Pulling Ourselves Up from UNDER the Bus: Sportsyack's Last Attempt at Post Season Redemption

9:25 a.m. Saturday, Feb 5th
All is well in Big D except for Big Ben's television. He calls down to the hotel front desk and asks to have someone come up and take a look at it. Preferably a female employee, with a nice ass.

9:37 a.m.
Second cup of coffee is done, and its time to start handicapping. I grab my laptop, and close the bathroom door behind me. What? Like I'm the only one who takes a dump while browsing the web? Its 20-effing-11, people!

10:11 a.m.
Judge Patrick calls me, wants to know if I want to meet him at Anita's in Ashburn. Yeah, Patty. Nothing says, "thank god SuperBowl weekend is here" than subjecting myself to a plate full of food, that will eventually have my asshole in 4 alarm fire mode for the rest of the weekend.

10:59 a.m.
The Packers meet for a team breakfast. Apparently, Jermichael Finley and Nick Barnett didn't get the memo, and arrive 25 minutes late. They're forced to eat un-eaten egg pieces, from some of their (full) teammates plates, and leftover bacon grease. Coach Mike McCarthy tells them to, "just deal with it, and shut the fuck up. We don't need anymore distractions before the game."

11:47 a.m.
After a nice, non-confrontational lunch with Mary Poppins and the CEO of NPR, that included a lot of boring, vanilla conversation, ESPN's Mike Greenberg gets into his hotel elevator to head back up to his room. He quickly and repeatedly hits his floor's button, as he sees two big black guys approaching. (Boo hoo, shut up, already! We think its funny to imply that he's afraid of black people, and maybe a touch racist, after his slip of the tongue last year. Its a friggin' joke....)

1:49 p.m.
Ousted MSNBC talking head Keith Olbermann arrives at his hotel to partake in the weekend's festivities, and to pretend that he's a relevant "sports guy". Dan Patrick sees him enter the lobby, and immediately makes a b-line to the janitor's closet, to avoid having to talk to the miserable prick.

3:51 p.m.

Clay Matthews' hair and Troy Polamalu's hair have to be separated, after exchanging words at a Dallas-Fort Worth Appleby's.

5:17 p.m.
Lavar Arrington still broadcasting from radio row, by some stroke of luck, gets an interview with Tiger Woods' ex wife, Elin Nordegren. Her publicist informs Lavar he's allowed just two questions, BUT that he can ask her whatever he wants, and ANYTHING is on the table, as far as questions are concerned. Lavar proceeds to ask her (1)What her favorite color is, and (2) If she ever saw the play he made, when he concussed Troy Aikman.

7:07 p.m.
Hall of Fame inductees are announced, and along with announcing that Shannon Sharpe will be part of this year's class, the Hall announces that instead of the traditional yellow HOF jackets, Sharpe will be wearing a red "1" jersey, and that he will have 'blinkers on'. (if you don't get that joke, please call Andrew Beyer)

10:47 p.m.
Judge Patrick texts me from Jacksons in Reston, says that Albert Haynesworth is there all banged up, and hitting on all the female patrons.

10:48 p.m.
Haynesworth's agent texts me and says that whatever I heard from Judge Patrick, that its not true, and his client is looking forward to being exonerated.

In honor of one of the greatest bands that ever was...

12:47 a.m. Sunday, February 6th
A very drunk and bored Brett Favre, sitting around his house in Hattiesburg, MS, texts Aaron Rodgers a picture of his dick with the caption: Retired, and just hanging out. LOL! Good luck tomorrow, man! Brett

1:48 a.m.
Steeler fans are partying it up at a local Fort Worth bar- throwing back shots, dipping Copenhagen, and having "whose got the smelliest fart?" contests. The male Steeler fans are having fun too.

7:14 a.m.
My television is in back and forth mode between the NFL Network and Joel Osteen. Two questions: Why does he always look constipated, and can he ask God if the Packers will cover the 3 points today?

9:31 a.m.
Holy Shit, get that monster off my TV!!!! Oh, nevermind. That's just Mitch Albom and his ears, on ESPN's The Sports Reporters.

10:47 a.m.
With an hour and 45 minutes until Pens/Caps, and another 8 hours or so until toe meets leather, its time for Sportsyack to bring it strong to the plate, ala regular season, 10 games over .500 mode. Ready, set, go....

Pittsburgh(+3) vs. Green Bay (UNDER 44.5)
The last time these two teams met, they scored a combined 73 points. This game should be much different from that game 14 months ago, with the #2 and #5 ranked defenses squaring off here. Expect a lot of feeling each other out in the early going. Packer fan should expect some Super Bowl stage jitters by A-Rod. If you think he's going to have carte blanche in the first couple of drives, the way he did in Chicago, you're dreaming, cheeseheads.

Both of these teams have done things in the post season leading up to this tilt, that we both love and hate. Green Bay, arguably, was the most impressive in their ass whipping of the Falcons down in Atlanta. However, we were very miffed at how they allowed the Bears to hang around a game in which the Pack completely outplayed them in. The long and short of it, Packer fan, is that with less than 5 minutes to go in a game in which you should've been up 35-14 in, some 3rd string, undrafted free agent quarterback had the ball, and had a chance to force overtime against you. Not good.

The Steelers, on the other hand, have been a tale of two halves- again both good and bad. Their first half "performance" against Baltimore was awful. 3 weeks after the fact, we're still not sure how they came back to win that game. But they did, and coupled with the first 30 minutes they played against the Jets, the Steelers have looked like a machine. They did let up the gas a bit against the Jets in the second half, but ultimately did more than enough to secure their spot in today's game.

Our breakdown: Aaron Rodgers will show some signs of anxiety, and the Steelers putting a plug in the Pack's running attack will not help the cause. We love the experience the Steelers bring to the plate here, and any pressure felt here today, will be on A-Rod and the Packers.

We keep going back to the first half of dominance the Steelers displayed two weeks ago against the Jets. That opening drive could not have been drawn up any better. The Packers not putting the Bears away, is too stuck in our heads. As well as one other stupid little tangible, that as miserable Redskin fans- and knowing how bad the Redskins were, we have to factor it into the equation; the Redskins beat the Packers this season.

Troy Polamalu is probably the best player on the field, and will be a difference maker in this game. And Big Ben, hate him for all his off field dickness, is a freaking gamer, and continues to come up big when his team needs him. We'd love to see Shaun Suisham kick a game winning FG as time expired, just to spite Lavar Arrington's new butt buddy. Play the Steelers and the UNDER. 21-19 Pittsburgh.

2-8 ATS post season

Follow on twitter@sportsyack

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