Friday, February 4, 2011

Pulling Ourselves Up from UNDER the Bus: Sportsyack's Last Attempt at Post Season Redemption

9:25 a.m. Saturday, Feb 5th
All is well in Big D except for Big Ben's television. He calls down to the hotel front desk and asks to have someone come up and take a look at it. Preferably a female employee, with a nice ass.

9:37 a.m.
Second cup of coffee is done, and its time to start handicapping. I grab my laptop, and close the bathroom door behind me. What? Like I'm the only one who takes a dump while browsing the web? Its 20-effing-11, people!

10:11 a.m.
Judge Patrick calls me, wants to know if I want to meet him at Anita's in Ashburn. Yeah, Patty. Nothing says, "thank god SuperBowl weekend is here" than subjecting myself to a plate full of food, that will eventually have my asshole in 4 alarm fire mode for the rest of the weekend.

10:59 a.m.
The Packers meet for a team breakfast. Apparently, Jermichael Finley and Nick Barnett didn't get the memo, and arrive 25 minutes late. They're forced to eat un-eaten egg pieces, from some of their (full) teammates plates, and leftover bacon grease. Coach Mike McCarthy tells them to, "just deal with it, and shut the fuck up. We don't need anymore distractions before the game."

11:47 a.m.
After a nice, non-confrontational lunch with Mary Poppins and the CEO of NPR, that included a lot of boring, vanilla conversation, ESPN's Mike Greenberg gets into his hotel elevator to head back up to his room. He quickly and repeatedly hits his floor's button, as he sees two big black guys approaching. (Boo hoo, shut up, already! We think its funny to imply that he's afraid of black people, and maybe a touch racist, after his slip of the tongue last year. Its a friggin' joke....)

1:49 p.m.
Ousted MSNBC talking head Keith Olbermann arrives at his hotel to partake in the weekend's festivities, and to pretend that he's a relevant "sports guy". Dan Patrick sees him enter the lobby, and immediately makes a b-line to the janitor's closet, to avoid having to talk to the miserable prick.

3:51 p.m.

Clay Matthews' hair and Troy Polamalu's hair have to be separated, after exchanging words at a Dallas-Fort Worth Appleby's.

5:17 p.m.
Lavar Arrington still broadcasting from radio row, by some stroke of luck, gets an interview with Tiger Woods' ex wife, Elin Nordegren. Her publicist informs Lavar he's allowed just two questions, BUT that he can ask her whatever he wants, and ANYTHING is on the table, as far as questions are concerned. Lavar proceeds to ask her (1)What her favorite color is, and (2) If she ever saw the play he made, when he concussed Troy Aikman.

7:07 p.m.
Hall of Fame inductees are announced, and along with announcing that Shannon Sharpe will be part of this year's class, the Hall announces that instead of the traditional yellow HOF jackets, Sharpe will be wearing a red "1" jersey, and that he will have 'blinkers on'. (if you don't get that joke, please call Andrew Beyer)

10:47 p.m.
Judge Patrick texts me from Jacksons in Reston, says that Albert Haynesworth is there all banged up, and hitting on all the female patrons.

10:48 p.m.
Haynesworth's agent texts me and says that whatever I heard from Judge Patrick, that its not true, and his client is looking forward to being exonerated.

In honor of one of the greatest bands that ever was...

12:47 a.m. Sunday, February 6th
A very drunk and bored Brett Favre, sitting around his house in Hattiesburg, MS, texts Aaron Rodgers a picture of his dick with the caption: Retired, and just hanging out. LOL! Good luck tomorrow, man! Brett

1:48 a.m.
Steeler fans are partying it up at a local Fort Worth bar- throwing back shots, dipping Copenhagen, and having "whose got the smelliest fart?" contests. The male Steeler fans are having fun too.

7:14 a.m.
My television is in back and forth mode between the NFL Network and Joel Osteen. Two questions: Why does he always look constipated, and can he ask God if the Packers will cover the 3 points today?

9:31 a.m.
Holy Shit, get that monster off my TV!!!! Oh, nevermind. That's just Mitch Albom and his ears, on ESPN's The Sports Reporters.

10:47 a.m.
With an hour and 45 minutes until Pens/Caps, and another 8 hours or so until toe meets leather, its time for Sportsyack to bring it strong to the plate, ala regular season, 10 games over .500 mode. Ready, set, go....

Pittsburgh(+3) vs. Green Bay (UNDER 44.5)
The last time these two teams met, they scored a combined 73 points. This game should be much different from that game 14 months ago, with the #2 and #5 ranked defenses squaring off here. Expect a lot of feeling each other out in the early going. Packer fan should expect some Super Bowl stage jitters by A-Rod. If you think he's going to have carte blanche in the first couple of drives, the way he did in Chicago, you're dreaming, cheeseheads.

Both of these teams have done things in the post season leading up to this tilt, that we both love and hate. Green Bay, arguably, was the most impressive in their ass whipping of the Falcons down in Atlanta. However, we were very miffed at how they allowed the Bears to hang around a game in which the Pack completely outplayed them in. The long and short of it, Packer fan, is that with less than 5 minutes to go in a game in which you should've been up 35-14 in, some 3rd string, undrafted free agent quarterback had the ball, and had a chance to force overtime against you. Not good.

The Steelers, on the other hand, have been a tale of two halves- again both good and bad. Their first half "performance" against Baltimore was awful. 3 weeks after the fact, we're still not sure how they came back to win that game. But they did, and coupled with the first 30 minutes they played against the Jets, the Steelers have looked like a machine. They did let up the gas a bit against the Jets in the second half, but ultimately did more than enough to secure their spot in today's game.

Our breakdown: Aaron Rodgers will show some signs of anxiety, and the Steelers putting a plug in the Pack's running attack will not help the cause. We love the experience the Steelers bring to the plate here, and any pressure felt here today, will be on A-Rod and the Packers.

We keep going back to the first half of dominance the Steelers displayed two weeks ago against the Jets. That opening drive could not have been drawn up any better. The Packers not putting the Bears away, is too stuck in our heads. As well as one other stupid little tangible, that as miserable Redskin fans- and knowing how bad the Redskins were, we have to factor it into the equation; the Redskins beat the Packers this season.

Troy Polamalu is probably the best player on the field, and will be a difference maker in this game. And Big Ben, hate him for all his off field dickness, is a freaking gamer, and continues to come up big when his team needs him. We'd love to see Shaun Suisham kick a game winning FG as time expired, just to spite Lavar Arrington's new butt buddy. Play the Steelers and the UNDER. 21-19 Pittsburgh.

2-8 ATS post season

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