Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Bronx Bummers: The Party is Over, Yankee Fans

Special commentary by Judge Patrick, lifelong Yankees fan

Start singing the blues, Yankee fans. And this is not Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" either. I'm officially letting all you sons of bitches know right now, that the Yankees will not be making the playoffs this year.

I couldn't care less that they are currently in first place of the AL East- tied with the Boston Red Sox, to whom they're about to be swept by in their series that started Tuesday night. The Yankees are finished, and you all can kiss my ass. I repeat- they will not be making the post season this year.

Anyone who takes the time to look at the makeup of this team- from their pitching, to the their age, to their attitudes, can see that the pinstripers are in trouble this year, and for years to come.

Starting Pitching
Anytime that A.J. Burnett is the #2 in your rotation and Bartolo Colon is anywhere near your rotation- even though BC has arguably been your most consistent starting pitcher to this point, you are in a world of shit.

A.J. Burnett is a gas can waiting to combust. He was actually the one setting all the fires in the early 90's movie Backdraft. Burnett has "ace" type stuff, with a "deuce" type of brain. Burnett is ALWAYS a risk to give you a 3 inning, 8 run, 6 hit, 4 walk type of night. To sum up Burnett- I could not think of any other pitcher in baseball who I would want on the mound LESS in a big spot.

As far as the rest of the rotation is concerned, CC Sabathia is a proven horse who should be counted on. Other than that, the Yankees are trotting out guys on a nightly basis, who they just don't know what they're going to get of them.

A.J. Burnett, Freddy Garcia, (I thought he was dead), Ivan Nova, and Bartolo Colon. Good luck with that motley crew as you move beyond June. Not to mention Joba the Hut. It appears Mr. Chamberlain has eaten away any potential he had. Is it too late for him to get hooked on some of his mother's home cooked meth? Or could he at least mix in a salad and a jog?

And how's that Rafeal Soriano deal working out for you? Say what you want about Cashman, but he was 100% right on not wanting to bring in that bust in waiting.

I'm sure they will make a move or two at the trade deadline to improve the pitching, but as currently constructed, it just simply isn't good enough.

There is one team out there that the Yankees will never beat, regardless of how much money they spend, and that team is Father Time. In fact- as we speak, Father Time has a 7-4 lead over the Yankees heading in to the bottom of the 8th.

We all saw last month, how well Jorge Posada (39 years old) handled his first run in with Father Time. Unfortunately for Yankee fans, he is only the beginning.

Derek Jeter turns 37 in two weeks, and has lost virtually all power. A-Rod will turn 36 in July. Pretty soon Mariano Rivera (42 in November) will show signs of being human, Sabathia's knees will finally cry mercy, and Mark Teixeira's annual slow April start, will turn in to a slow April-May-June-July-August-September start.

Only 2 members of the Yankees typical every day starting lineup are under 30- Robinson Cano (28) and Brett Gardner (27). But at least you don't have a lot of money tied up in these aging stars. Oh wait, you do.

A-Rod is on the books until 2017 at an average of $23.8 mil a season. Have fun with that, cousin Sal. And Jeter is in the 1st year of a 4 year/$56 million deal and seems to have no desire to hand over his responsibilities as shortstop, despite his lack of range at shortstop, and his new found inability to hit extra base knocks. Have fun with that one too.

In Summary

I have two working eyeballs that tell me that every single time that I watch this team, they just don't look very good. Not one member of the starting lineup has a batting average of .300 or higher. Curtis Granderson has been carrying a lot of the load offensively for them, but something tells me that he's not going to maintain his 55 HR, 121 RBI pace. The two main DH options, Posada and Andruw Jones, are hitting .195 and .215 respectively. That is not sweeeeet. (Napoleon Dynamite voice)

As someone who has worn the Yankee hat as a fan, and who's all time favorite baseball player is Derek Jeter, there is some sadness to the Yankees situation. I don't want to see Jeter go out looking like Johnny Unitas in a Chargers uniform. Nobody wants to remember Posada as a guy who took his ball and went home when he was dropped to 9th in the lineup. Everyone likes to see people and teams go out on top. To see a John Elway hop on himself, and then ride off into the sunset while still "on top", is very rare in sports today.

So prepare yourself Yankee fan, for that slow, painful death. You are about to enter a period of time here, that may be very hard for you to watch. You will be saying goodbye to some of your heroes over the next few years-one of them, arguably, the greatest Yankee of all time. You will also be saying goodbye to your annual postseason trips that you've grown accustomed to over the last 15+ years, and the loud, annoying echoes of, "Let's go Yankees!!!"

You had a nice run, but the party is over. Start singing the blues.

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