Sunday, July 17, 2011

Soccer Still Sucks

What a crock of shit. Nothing like using a schoolyard game of dodge ball to end a tournament that takes 3 weeks to complete. I'm not sure how soccer purists can continue to push their agenda on non-soccer purists like myself, when your world stage moment is decided by something a couple of 8 year olds do on the playground each day.

And don't tell me, "Well, hockey does it too!" No they don't, you assholes.

Hockey does do it, but only in the regular season, which as us Caps fans can attest to, is about as meaningful as an engagement to Kim Kardashian.

And they only do it after a 5 minute period has been played, in which they try to decide the outcome by playing the sport I paid to watch. They don't do it in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And neither does any other professional sport that has any relevance- football, baseball, basketball, golf- none of them.

Hell, even in tennis they don't resort to some Mickey Mouse way of deciding outcomes. Last year at Wimbledon, two guys who nobody knows a god damn thing about, played an 11 hour match in a sport that nobody gives a shit about, to settle a match the way it was meant to be settled- by playing the game the way it was meant to be played, until there was a winner.

So fuck off, soccer. You and your manipulation of patriotism sucked me in for a week, just so I could watch the Americans piss away late leads (twice), and then lose in a game of kick the can.

Congratulations (I guess) to Japan. Our American hearts our broken. I realize this wasn't the worst thing you cocksuckers ever did to us in a single day, but good on you, nonetheless. Its nice to see you finally benefit from a meltdown. That, of course, being the US Women's fruitless penalty kick attempts, in what has to be the dumbest way ever to decide the outcome of a major world sports tournament.

In much happier news, this band is getting back together, so that they can rock out songs like this one.

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