Saturday, December 24, 2011

NFL Week 16: Yack-Yack's Santa's Wishlist: Dogs. And Lots of Them

Cleveland(+12.5) at Baltimore
Santa's Wishlist: 22nd ranked Quarterback, and guy who might want to be more concerned with doing his job than what others are saying, Joe Flacco, asked Santa to ask the media AGAIN to quit talking about Tim Tebow, and start talking about his team, who continue to lose to shitty teams and/or keep them around in games. Ray Lewis asked for a new knife and an alibi.

Seneca Wallace makes his second straight start for the Brownies, coming off a tough OT loss at Arizona in which Wallace was very efficient; 18-31, 226 yards and a touch. He also completed Cleveland's longest play from scrimmage in 4 years, a 76 yard touchdown pass to rookie Greg Little.

The Ravens are scoring just 19 points/per over the last month. They're also 0-3 ATS this year when laying double digits. Cleveland's D keeps them in it, and Peyton Hillis will see the ball 25+ times like he did last week. Browns

Minnesota(+7) at Washington
Santa's Wishlist: Fred Davis and Trent Williams asked Santa for Whizzinators, most likely in a size bigger than what yours truly would order. Mike Shanahan asked Santa for some new pants, since all of his seem to catch fire when he speaks to reporters.

Hair is what you have hair: two below average teams, whose Quarterbacks have QB Ratings that resemble Lavar Arrington's Senior year English final exam score (Ponder: 72.3, Grossman: 71.4), and whose season's never were headed in the right die-rec-tion. With that being said, we'll take the below average team who is getting the points.

The Vikings haven't been awful when facing non-elite opponents. In fact, the only games that they have been blown out in, were against the Saints, Green Bay, and at Chicago, before Jay Cutler went down, and in a game in which the Bears Defense/Special Teams scored 21 points.

Listen, last week's win in the Meadowlands was impressive, but the still lacking Redskins shouldn't be giving points to the Little Sisters of the Poor. Expect a let down from that before mentioned win. This game will be hanging in the balance with 5 minutes to go. Vikings

Denver at Buffalo(+2.5)
Santa's Wishlist: John Elway asked Santa for Tim Tebow to pull an OJ with new girlfriend Lindsey Vonn, violating the 6th Commandment, so that Elway can run Tebow out of town without causing riots in the streets of Denver. Elway also asked for a new stall, chocolate covered oats, and for Calvin Borel to ride him in next year's Derby.

I hate to simply bet the due factor, like some degenerate gambler in a casino who frantically looks for the roulette wheel with a bunch of consecutive blacks or reds on the board, so that he can then run to that one table, bet the house on whatever color has NOT been coming up simply because its DUE...but, that's what were doing here. (I've only heard of this strategy in casinos from buddies, or something like that, but have never done that myself...)

Seriously, the Bills have been awful. They've lost 7 straight, and have been almost equally bad ATS, losing 6 of 7. Last week, they allowed divisional foe Miami to come into town and roll them up- in a mini snow storm, with an interim coach at the helm, and in their own backyard.

Tim Tebow is fun to watch, no doubt. But you have to figure the law of averages is still chasing him and his cult like status. Yes, he had his sheeot handed to him last week by Tom Brady, but for Tebow's Sake, the comeback win against the Bears two weeks ago, is at least worth 3 Hail Marys, and 2 Our Fathers, or in layman's terms, a loss on the road at a Buffalo team who is due.

Philadelphia(+1.5) at Dallas
Santa's Wishlist: Mike Vick asked Santa to make his name mysteriously disappear off of Sam Hurd's clientele list. Andy Reid asked Santa for sons who are productive members of society. Tony Romo asked Santa for the board game Chutes and Ladders, to replace Hide-n-Seek as the party time entertainment, the next time he and his douchebag friends get together for a bachelor party. Dez Bryant asked Santa for some pants that fit. And a mother who has a job that requires taxes to be paid on, or so Jeff Ireland tells us. Jason Garrett asked Santa for a timeout reminder. Jerry Jones asked Santa for a face that doesn't resemble the most coveted item at a Tupperware Party. And that disgustingly fat, gross slob Rob Ryan asked Santa for a haircut, and a toilet that can handle elephant sized dumps.

Dallas, for the most part, has been unimpressive for the last 5-6 weeks. We've detailed this ad nauseum. They did handle an awful Tampa Bay team last week, but the key words there are awful Tampa Bay team.

Philly is dangerous, and Mike Vick has looked good in his two starts since returning from injury. A nice roadie at Miami, and then last week's dressing down of what is supposed to be a better than average New York Jets team. Speaking of dressing down, the Eagles did that as well 8 weeks ago against Dallas in Philly. In fact, give the Eagles (today's line) 1.5 points against Dallas in these two teams last three meetings, and the Eagles are 3-0 ATS.

Felix Jones is dinged up, and DeMarco Murray is on the shelf. If the Cowboys are to win, they'll have to do it on Tony Romo's arm, which has been flawless in December. However, the Eagles defense has been tight as of late, giving up only 177, 155, and 190 yards through the air over the last 3 games. Mike Vick does enough to elude Dallas's front 7, and by doing so will have a field day against the putrid Dallas secondary. Eagles

Last Week 1-2 ATS
YTD 32-16-3 ATS

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