Saturday, November 24, 2012

NFL Week 12: Beating Our Man's Ass During a Black Friday Shopping Frenzy

Oakland (+9.5) at Cincy
Since when did the Bungholes become a team that should be laying another team close to double digits? They're a .500 football team who though coming off back to back wins, rattled off an impressive 4 game losing streak the 4 games prior, including losses to average Miami and not very good Cleveland. Rubbish....

And as piss poor as Oakland is, they can move the ball (10th in the NFL), and prior to last week they had scored 20 points or more in 5 straight. They might represent the part of the country who beats the shit out of each other on Black Friday while shopping at a f**king K-mart, but I'll dismiss that angle while prognosticating this one.

Bottom line, both of these teams- for all intents and purposes, suck. Give me the sucky team catching a touchdown, field goal, and a hook. The Bungholes are 1-4-1 ATS in their last 6 at home and 0-4 ATS in their last 4 versus a team with a losing record. 27-24 Oakland in OT.

Buffalo at Indy (-3)
Speaking of sucky teams, did anyone watch Buffalo on Thursday night two weeks ago win in unimpressive fashion against average Miami? Less than 300 yards total offense, the Bills held on to win and cover in a  game that was as boring as Speilberg's Lincoln.

The Colts are coming off an ass whuppin at the hands of the Patriots who are now riding a 47.5 points per game heater. So I'm willing to give the Colts and rookie Andrew Luck a pass on that one. In fact, I like the bounce back angle a lot here, but its not the only reason I'm thinking the Colts win in possible blowout fashion. The rookie who sounds like Chris Griffin (Family Guy) when he talks, has led the Colts to the 5th best offense in the league.
Andrew Luck sounds like this guy.

A win here by the Colts gets them to an amazing 7-4, keeps them in the AFC Wildcard race, and will keep Andrew Luck's name in the ROY conversation, even after RG3's impressive Turkey Day beat down of the Cowgirls. The Colts are 6-0 SU in their last 6 following a SU loss, and 4-0 ATS in their last 4 following an ATS loss of 14 points or more (I likey this stat). The blah Bills are 1-5-1 ATS in their last 7 following a SU win. Chris Griffin and the Horseshoes get it done in big fashion, 34-14.

Denver (-10.5) at KC
I like laying the big number like I like constipation, but I've got to do it here. IMHO, Denver is the best team in the AFC, even better than that freight train New England. And the Chiefs just suck. This is a classic case to Martingale your chips, and play the Chiefs (7 straight losses) and play against the Broncos (5 straight wins), but I just can't do it. The Chiefs are that bad.

Kansas City took their first lead of the 2012 season like 10 minutes ago, for Christ's sake. They've played 6 straight games in which they've scored 16 points or less. In fact, during that span they're averaging a dismal 11 points per. That is f**king awful, Chief fan!

As I said, I think Denver is the complete package. And with a virtual strangle hold on the God awful division they play in, they're in a race with New England and Baltimore to get a first round playoff bye. They've scored 30 or more points in  five straight, and six of their last seven. They've also covered 4 of their last 5 on the road versus a team with a losing record. 27-10 Broncos.

San Francisco at New Orleans (+1)
Pump the brakes, Vegas. Are you effing kidding me? You're going to offer me the Saints as a home dog versus a virtual rookie whose coming off his debut in which he blew his load all over the national stage that's Monday Night Football? Ok, where do I sign up?.. i.e.,  get my bookie on the phone....immediately.

Its funny what the incessant media can do. Re-elect an incompetent ass hat from Chicago, turn a chubby little 5 year old into the next reality show darlin', and crown some kid named Colin  Kaepernick the second coming of Joe Montana. Well Honey Boo Boo this, Mr. President, I'm about to get my Who Dat on.

Please Go Play In the Road...A Busy Road.

Drew Brees and the Saints have won 5 of 6 and have done so in impressive fashion. 28 points or more during those 5 wins, Who Dat Nation has covered 6 of their last 7, and 4 straight ATS covers against NFC foes. Don't look now, 49er fan, but if Seattle gets it done in South Beach this weekend, your division lead is down to a half game. D'oh! 29-17 Saints.

Last Week                         6-0 ATS
Thanksgiving Day             1-2 ATS
Barking Dogs YTD          15-8 ATS
Totals YTD                        5-1 ATS

YTD                            33-19-1 ATS (65%)
Since 2010                108-60-8 ATS (65%)

"Never underestimate the stupidity of the people in this country..."

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