Sunday, October 20, 2013

NFL Week 7: "This One Time At Band Camp, My Game of The Year Lost By Like 21 Points..."

Hello. I'm coming off of a weekend (and change) of hanging out with The Legend in Sin City, and also a very big swing and miss on my "Game of The Year". My post this week will be a bit abbreviated (less schtick) due to time restraints and because of the pain caused by sitting in front of my computer for an extended period of time, since just as of yesterday did my proctologist remove Matt Schaub and Gary Kubiak's dicks from my ass.
The Legend has an Autographed Gus Frerotte
Helmet in His Man Cave. You Know You're Jealous.

A winning week, nonetheless, but an embarrassing statement of my prognosticating "skills". 

The overall tally is still just a couple games under .500 for the year (14-16), and I'm slightly above middle of the pack in the LVHSC Standings (428th of 1034). So I must press on, and hope that this week and the weeks that follow, don't resemble the shit show that was the Texans (-7.5) last weekend. 

St. Louis at Carolina (-6)
Christmas Morning is over, Ram fan. This won't be winless Jacksonville at home (two weeks ago) or last week's gift wrapped W courtesy of the hapless and lost Texans (Hou. committed 4 turnovers, gave up one defensive and one special teams score), because you're in Carolina now, and it will be Cam- not Ram, whose on the winning side. The Rams are 30th in the league against the run, and have failed to cover 4 straight versus NFC opponents. Cam, the man, will kill the Ram with both his arm and his legs. 27-17 Panthers.

Cincinnati at Detroit (-2.5)
The Bungholes escaped out of a Buffalo with a W last weekend, beating the practice squad QB led Bills in OT. This was two weeks after losing at Cleveland. In fact, the Bungholes are 0-3-1 ATS in their last 4 roadies. The Lions have won three of their last four, including two road wins and an impressive home beat down they administered to divisional foe Chicago. Stafford, Megatron, and Reggie Bush can be an explosive trifecta for Detroit Rock City (see last week's 24 point, come from behind second half). Cincinnati is a pretender, and the Lions are a contender. Sorry, Pack fan, but Detroit Rock City wins that division. 31-13 Lions.

San Diego at Jacksonville (+7.5)
The Jags have shown a pulse since the return of Justin Blackmon two weeks ago. Offensively, they've scored 19 and 20 points over his first two games back, in which JB had 136 and 190 yards receiving. I also like the fact that the Jags will be with Chad Henne (again) under center. He threw for 303 yards last week, as the 26 point dog Jags were very competitive in Denver. Expect San Diego to be sluggish following their Monday night hard fought win against Indy. They now get a short week, cross country flight, and a 10am PDT start. Good luck with that, Bolts fan. My Barking Dogs are 5-1 ATS and 5-1 SU this year, and I'm not backing down off this canine. Jags get their first W. Ruff-Ruff, 24-21 Jags.

San Fran (-4) at Tennessee
I'm not convinced Tennessee is better than average, as although they started out hot, they've now lost their last two. And I am still convinced San Francisco is one of the three or four best teams in the league. (They've now won three in a row in very convincing fashion). The 49ers are much the best on paper, and have to keep up with Seattle who already won this week Thursday night. The Titans are 0-4-1 ATS in their last 5 home games vs. teams with winning records, and the 49ers are an impressive 75% (21-7-1 ATS) in their last 29 played on natural grass. 33-20 San Fran.

Does Dr. James Andrews Perform Vasectomies Also?

Houston at Kansas City (-6.5)
Case Keenum is getting his first NFL start on the road in a very loud outdoor stadium, against the number two pass defense in the league, and the number one defense relative to points allowed. That's a pretty tall task. That would be like asking a condom-less Adrian Peterson to spend 15 minutes in a room full of hot chicks, and to not impregnate one or seven of them;... it ain't going to happen. 

I guess the Chiefs will continue to play "back burner" in the AFC West, and the AFC for that matter, until the Denver Peyton Mannings lose. But with a number one ranked defense and a Quarterback who has been nothing short of perfect (25-5-1 as a starter)- even prior to his injury, errrrrrrr- benching in San Francisco- I don't quite understand this point spread. In any case, if Vegas pulls another Schaub/Kubiak double team job on me this week with this weird line, I probably won't be going back for thirds. 24-6 Chiefs.

Last Week                                    3-2 ATS
Barking Dogs Year To Date      5-1 ATS
Overall Year To Date            14-16 ATS (47%)

Follow along as "Yack" pursues excellence in the Las Vegas Hilton Super Contest. @Sportsyack on Twitter. *Lines as of Thursday morning, LVH Sports Book*

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