Thursday, November 26, 2015

NFL Week 12: Someone, Please...Stop The Pain

Don't Judge Me, I'm Trying My Best Over Here
Its been a brutal two weeks. Actually, its been a brutal three weeks. And to throw an "actually" on top of that, its been a brutal three years. With so much promise for the 2015 campaign, as yours truly was 6 games north of .500 going into the midway part of the season, the month of November has treated me like a baby treats a diaper. And by that, I mean a baby who has just eaten Gerber's new Prunes and Baked Beans Dinner For Toddlers.

3-11-1 ATS for the month, heading into my Tyrptophan coma, has me avoiding The Legend's email ridicule like its going out of style. The only thing that is preventing me from getting a well deserved beat down from the coke bottle wearing, bald headed bastard, is the 2,500 miles or so between Las Vegas and the friendly confines of my abode in Loudoun County.

But like Bluto Blutarsky once said, there is no time for this lying around shit, and "nothing is over until we decide it is!" So The Legend and Dean Wormer can kiss my lily white ass, as I will continue to move onward and upwards towards respectability.

Carolina (+1.5) at Dallas
To quote Jack Torrence from The Shining when Wendy runs down to the hotel bar to tell him that there is a woman in room 237 who tried to strangle Danny, "Are you out of your f**king mind?!?"  So you're telling me I get 10-0 Carolina- a team who has won 14 straight regular season games in a row- against a 3-7 team- Tony Romo or no Tony Romo (I don't care)- and I'm getting points???... So again, Mr. Vegas, I ask you, "Are you out of your f**king mind?!?"....The last (and only) time an NFL team entered Week 11 at 10-0 as a Vegas underdog, was in 1985 when 10-0 Chicago went to Dallas as a road dog. Ron Riveria and the future 1985 Super Bowl Champion Bears emerged from that game as 44-0 winners (thanks, Bleacher Report). Also, Carolina has rushed for 100 yards or more in like a million straight games. Good luck with that, Cowboy fan. 27-21 Panthers.

A-Rod with Title Town's Public Enemy #1 
Chicago at Green Bay (-8.5)
The Packers snapped a three game losing streak last week, with an impressive road win against divisional foe Minnesota. The Packers, seemingly, have righted the ship heading down the stretch of the 2015 campaign, and Aaron Rodgers can get back to banging girlfriend Olivia Munn without much scrutiny from those cheesehead wearing slobs that live in Wisconsin. Da Bears have played descent as of late, and have pretty much kept games close all season long. But they've lost 9 of the last 10 they've played against the Pack, and this is just not the spot for them on a short week, as they've dropped 4 straight games against the number when playing on the day in between Wednesday and Friday. Green Bay gets the Big W and cover, and Olivia gets the Big O later Thursday night. 30-14 Packers.

Miami at NY Jets (-3.5)
After starting off 4-1, the New York Football Jets reversed fortune, and have lost 4 of their last 5. I know the feeling. Word has it that the normally calm, cool, and collected Todd Bowles lost his shit behind closed doors, following last week's loss at Houston. Here is an amazing stat: the road team in this series has won 7 straight. But nevermind that. The Fins have failed to cover 4 straight against the Jets, and their meat head interim coach is no match against Bowles and the Jets (still) Top 5 defense. This is my 10,000 Star Game of The Month, and if it makes you feel any better before you bet the mortgage here, my 10,000 Star Barking Dog of The Month last week was San Diego! 26-20 Jets.

NY Giants at Washington (+3)
"This Is The Finger I Use To Shove Up Washington's Ass."
I'm not sure what the hell is going on with Red Faced Coughlin this season, as some of his in game coaching decisions leave little to be desired. Clock and down management issues all year, and now they're on the road laying points against divisional foe Washington, who are coming off a ream job from the zebras in Carolina. Here's what you need to know: the Redskins are descent at home (4-1), the Giants defense still sucks (31st), and the Giants have beaten Washington 5 straight games (due factor). Interesting note, to put the cherry on top of Jerome Booger Eater and Crew's game changing officiating last week, and to give some merit to Jason Hatcher's post game remarks: this will mark the 4th time in just 11 games, that the Redskins will face a team who is either coming off their Bye or a Thursday Night game (10 days rest). Hummmm....33-21 Redskins.

Pittsburgh at Seattle (-3.5)
The Seahawks are on kind of a mini heater. They've won 3 out of 4, and if not for three blown 4th quarter leads against three very good teams (Arizona, Carolina, and Cincy), they just might be on a 6 game heater. But they're not, and that's fine, but I'll quickly dismiss the "well, who have they beat?" crowd, because its a dumb argument here. Trust me. Seattle takes care of business here against an under the radar average Pittsburgh team, and that midget Russell Wilson has a big day against a Pittsburgh pass Defense that's abysmal. The NFC Wildcard race will officially be "game on" after this Sunday, and Seattle will be right in the mix. 29-17 Seahawks.

Last Week                     0-4-1 ATS
YTD                         25-27-3 ATS

**lines are from the Westgate Sportsbook, 11-26-15**Follow this blog on Twitter @sportsyack

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