Monday, June 20, 2016

Rich Turpin's Take On The 2016 Washington Redskins: Its Going To Be a SUPER Season

By. Rich Turpin

This is the 26th annual (or something like that) Spring Redskins season/stats prediction thingy. That special time of the year when I take pen to paper while wearing my burgundy and gold colored glasses. I'm not always correct, but I've accurately predicted the Redskins record in 2 of the past 5 years. So without further adieu, let's get the 2016 season going. As they say, "no pressure, no diamonds."

Week 1: Pittsburgh Steelers
In what could be a potential Super Bowl 51 match-up, the Redskins open the 2016 season by hosting Yack's favorite fan base's team- Big Hair, Big Ass, Big Truck Nation's, Steelers. Unfortunately, there will be a segment of Terrible Towel wavers in the crowd this Monday Night, most of whom have had some kind of relations with a relative. But no worries, Redskin fan. After signing a long term deal in the off season, Quarterback Kirk Cousins opens the season where he left off  in the 2015 season, looking SHARP.

Kirk goes for 303 yards and 3 TDs, including one to first round pick Josh Doctson. The Steelers also have a potent offense, despite not having the services of suspended WR Martavious Bryant. In the end, former Redskins Kicker Shaun Suisham's replacement- Chris Boswell, kicks a last second field goal, to propel the Steelers to a 24-21 opening night win. (0-1)

Week 2: Dallas Cowboys
Coming off a loss, the hated Dallas Cowboys will be just what the doctor ordered. The Redskins offense picks up right where it left off, to the tune of 509 total yards, 358 of it coming from Kirk Cousins' arm. Cousins turns in another masterpiece, tossing 4 TDs to Jordan Reed (2), Josh Doctson, and Desean (OTA-less) Jackson. The defense finally starts to gel, as they sack the brittle Dallas Quarterback 5 times, with Junior Galette having two of them. Also, newly acquired CB Josh Norman picks off one of Tony Romo's many ill advised Romo passes. Jerry Jones' plastic face won't be smiling by game's end. 31-13 Redskins. (1-1)

Week 3: @NY Giants
In their first road contest of the season, the Redskins travel to New Jersey to face the New York Football Giants. In a heated contest between Josh Norman and Odell Beckham, the Redskins (again) get the better of their NFC East rival, securing a 24-20 victory. RB Matt Jones reaches the 100 yard mark for the second straight week, rushing for 130 YDs and a TD. (2-1)

Week 4: Cleveland Browns
At Least His Passes Can Clear the Practice Fence
In a game that many Redskins' fans have marked on their calendar, its a chance to root for their favorite former Redskin, Robert Griffin III. However, RG3 fans don't get their wish, as Griffin returns to Washington picking up right where he left off....on the bench. Having lost the (alleged) starting job in pre-season to rookie QB Cody Kessler, Griffin will spend most of the game thinking up a clever, cryptic Tweet to post following the game. Kessler shows some flashes in his 3rd NFL game, but the Redskins' defense has a field day, registering 3 sacks and 3 INTs. If you're scoring at home: Cousins 289 YDs passing...Griffin, 0. Redskins win, 30-14. (3-1)

Week 5: @Baltimore Ravens
The last time the Redskins and Ravens met, some would say it was the beginning of the end for that "other guy", and the beginning of the story for the "current guy". In a trip up 95, the Redskins march into M and T Bank Stadium to deposit what will turn out to be a thrashing of the NFC North doormats. CB Josh Norman notches his 3rd INT of the season and LBs Junior Galette and Ryan Kerrigan get 2 sacks a piece on the Ravens' less than elite QB, Joe Flacco. Redskins get another 300 yard passing game from Kirk Cousins (307), and "rough ride" Freddie Gray's former favorite team, 29-13. (4-1)

Week 6: Philadelphia Eagles
Six weeks into the season, the Sam Bradford era is over in Philly. Bradford, who will start the first five games for the now 0-5 Eagles, will be pulled by first year coach Doug Pederson, for first year Quarterback Carson Wentz. However, the Redskins #5 ranked defense stymies the rook, as the Eagles offense turns the ball over 6 times, including 3 INTs by Wentz (Breeland, Hall, Kerrigan). Get out your paper bags, you meat heads from South Philly, you're 0-6. Redskins win 27-9. (5-1)

Week 7: @Detroit Lions
The Redskins head to the motor city to face off against the Calvin Johnson-less Detroit Lions. Johnson, who retired in the off season, was sick of drinking the lead based Michigan tap water, and sick of playing on a perennially bad football team. The Lions, whose fruitless attempts to fill Johnson's shoes included signing former Redskin Andre Roberts (excuse me for a minute while I piss my pants laughing), resemble the good old days with Matt Millen as the GM, as the Redskins continue to roll on both sides of the ball. Cousins uses the "fast track" of Ford Field to get his WRs off and running (329 yards) and another 3 TDs. The Redskins' defense causes 2 Detroit turnovers, and holds the Lions to 234 yards of total offense. 34-3, Redskins. (6-1)

Week 8: @Cincinnati Bengals
The NFC East leading Redskins take the show across the pond against Head Coach Jay Gruden's former employer, and the dentist deprived fans in London will be in for a doozy. The Redskins, who will be involved in their closest game since their season opening loss to the Steelers, will win on a Dustin Hopkins last second field goal. Cousins has his worst game of the season, throwing for a pedestrian 209 yards and 2 INTs, but the Redskins defense bails him out with another multiple INT game. 17-14 Redskins. (7-1)

Week 10: Minnesota Vikings
Coming off the trip to London and then their bye week, the Redskins host another surprising team from the 2015 campaign in the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings grabbed Mississippi WR Laquon Treadwell in the first round of the NFL Draft, but Treadwell has struggled behind the weak arm of QB Teddy Bridgewater. The Redskins offense gets back on track in a big way, putting up a season high 45 points in what will be a rout. Kirk Cousins has a career day, throwing for 499 yards and 5 TDs. Redskins win, 45-20. (8-1)

Week 11: Green Bay Packers
In a rematch of the 2015 NFC Divisional Round, the Redskins host an NFC North team for the second straight week. And just like said game last January at Fed Ex Field, the Packers just seem to have the Redskins number. Kirk Cousins does his best RG3 impression by getting sacked 4 times and throwing 2 INTs. But unlike RG3, Cousins will hit the film room after the game and not his Twitter account. The Redskins suffer their 2nd loss of the season, 23-17. (8-2)

Week 12: @Dallas Cowboys
Tony Romo's 2016 Topps Football Card
On the greatest American holiday of the year, the Redskins take the show to Big D. The short week doesn't seem to have a negative effect on the NFC East leaders, as Matt Jones leads the charge with his 130 yards rushing. Kirk Cousins throws 2 TDs, as injured Tony Romo and stretch faced Jerry Jones watch from the sidelines. Dallas is never in the game, as the Redskins prevail 31-20. (9-2)

Week 13: @Arizona Cardinals
Following their Thanksgiving Day victory, the Redskins travel to the desert to face off against the defending NFC West Champs. The Cardinals prove to be too much for the Redskins to overcome, thanks to a goal line fumble from Matt Jones and a potential INT drop from DeAngelo Hall. 23-17 Cardinals. (9-3)

Week 14: @Philadelphia Eagles
A late season trip to Philly has been just what the doctor ordered these past 2 seasons, and 2016 will prove no different. Coming off the loss to the Cardinals, the Redskins jump out to a quick 24-0 lead thanks to TDs from Josh Doctson, Keith Marshall, and Desean Jackson. Colt McCoy gets 4th Quarter "clean up" duties in this one, as the Redskins win in a laugher, 35-12. (10-3)

Week 15: Carolina Panthers
The Redskins host the defending NFC Champs in a rematch of one of their most lopsided losses of 2015. Even though former Panther Josh Norman will have a 3rd Quarter INT against his old team, the Panthers will prevail and prove they still wear the NFC crown. Redskins fall, 21-17. (10-4)

Week 16: @Chicago Bears
The Redskins will wrap up the NFC East for the second time in as many years, with a win in the windy city. The struggling Bears, who will only have 5 wins coming into this contest, will fall 17 points down early, and never really be in the game. Kirk Cousins will throw TDs numbers 31 and 32, and break his own single season passing record of 4,166 yards, finishing with 289 yards and 2 TDs. The Redskins' defense will pick off Jay Cutler twice, in the 30-13 Redskins win. (11-4)

Week 17: NY Giants
Having already wrapped up the division, the Redskins have a chance to secure a first round bye with a win over their division rivals. The one won't come easy, but the Redskins get 122 yards on the ground from Matt Jones, and 2 TD passes from Kirk Cousins, including the game winning toss to Jamison Crowder with :59 seconds left in regulation. Redskins win 23-20. (12-4)


Divisional Round
With a first round bye, the Redskins welcome the winner of the first Wild Card game, the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks have eliminated the Redskins in 3 of their last 4 playoff appearances, including in 2012. History won't repeat itself, as Kirk Cousins tosses 2 TDs and the defense secures a late fumble on a Su'a Cravens' hit on Jimmy Graham, enroute to the Redskins 27-17 win.

NFC Championship
For the first time in over 25 years, the Redskins make an appearance in the NFC Championship Game. Traveling to Carolina, the Redskins look to exact reventge on an early season loss. In true story book fashion, former Panther Josh Norman takes a Cam Newton pass 67 yards to the house for what ends up being the final score of the game. Another great outing for Kirk Cousins, thorwing for 279 yards, 2 TDs and no INTs. In addition to Norman's pick six, the Redskins' defense comes up big all day, sacking the before mentioned Newton 6 times, with Junior Galette having 3 of them. And for the first time since Nirvana's "Nevermind" was a top Billboard's Top 200 Albums Chart, the Redskins advance to Super Bowl LI, beating Carolina 23-19. 

Super Bowl LI
Just as I predicted in Week 1, the potential Super Bowl match up might be playing in that Week 1 Monday Night Football game, and that prediction comes to fruition. Having outlasted the New England Patriots in the AFC Championship Game, the Steelers face off against the Redskins in a game that won't disappoint. With just 2:07 to go in the game, Big Ben connects with Ladarius Green to take the lead, and the Steelers defense will hold, as Redskins K Dustin Hopkins misses a potential game winning 56 yard FG with no time left on the clock. Despite the loss, Kirk Cousins throws for 312 yards and 2 TDs. Pittsburgh picks up their 7th Super Bowl title, and Le'Veon Bell is the game's MVP. 31-29 Steelers.

Season Statistics

Cousins: 4,380 yards, 34 TDs, 12 INTs

Jones: 246 carries, 996 yards, 5 TDs

Reed: 80 catches, 880 yards, 11 TDs

Jackson: 50 catches, 900 yards, 4 TDs

Garcon: 75 catches, 757 yards, 3 TDs

Doctson: 32 catches, 320 yards, 9 TDs

Crowder: 47 catches, 475 yards, 3 TDs

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